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My Favorite Things: Ferrying a Flight

Takeoff from San Francisco International

Since my days in training I’ve heard the stories; zooming down the aisles on serving trays or standing at the back wall of the plane during take off, kicking back and watching movies in first class seats; singing songs over the PA system; party in the back, sleeping up front. The reasons vary for the need; mechanical issues, aircraft positioning, apparently it once happened after someone relieved themselves in the aisle – toxic land mine! It’s always been a dream of mine, and in 15 years, I’ve only had one incident of doing it… ferrying a flight.

A ferried flight is one in which there are no passengers; only crew. Often, aircraft are ferried with only pilots, but occasionally, flight attendants are also needed to accompany a ferried aircraft. I think all flight crew enjoy the chance to ferry a flight.
Many years ago a pilot told me a story about ferrying a flight. There were no other crew members other than the two pilots. There were carts installed in the galleys, but they were empty. During the flight, the pilots got a hankering for a hot cup of joe. The first officer went hunting but couldn’t find any coffee.
Upon entering the lav, he did find a pack, hanging on the hook. He decided to make a go of it and brewed a cup of coffee. Some flight attendants will hang a coffee pack in a lav that has particularly bad odor issues. He told me that once he tasted it, he realized how effective they were in doing so. He told me, “Every scent that was in that lavatory was now in that cup of coffee! I nearly lost my lunch!”
The morning I got the call that I was on a crew to ferry a flight, you’d have thought I won the lottery! I was a bit crest-fallen when learning that the flight was only from San Francisco to San Jose, which is only an hour drive…in traffic.
I showed up at the gate and met the rest of the crew. It was neat being able to board and just leave when we were ready; no passengers to board. We were to pick up our passengers in San Jose and then work to Denver. I was clearly the most excited of the five of us.
We completed our safety checks and briefed with the captain. He reminded us that we still had to arm the doors and then he said the magic words, “If anyone would like ride in the cockpit jumpseat, we’ll only have one available, just let us know. The others had no interest, but I was like a boy being told I could open Christmas presents two whole weeks before Christmas!
Beautiful Day in SF

After arming my door, I took my seat in the cockpit and strapped in. The captain had also said he’d leave the door open so the others, who were seated in the first class seats, could have a view. I’d been able to take off and land in the cockpit during training, but if you’ve been reading my stories, you know how much I love aviation, and being in the cockpit is the best!

It was a beautiful day in the Bay Area. We taxied and took off and as the plane’s nose arched upward, the cockpit door slammed shut. Unable to reach it, it remained closed until we were safely in the air, at which time the others offered their complaints of not being able to see the takeoff.

The sad thing about the short distance of our ferry flight was that we only reached an altitude of about 8,000 feet, but the aerial tour going down the coast was fantastic. The Pacific Ocean was on my right and the bay on my left, with the hills, the highway, Stanford University and Moffett Field, once the home of huge blimps and an airfield that still (at that time) housed their huge hangars.
In no time at all we were landing from the south at San Jose, and after taxiing to the gate, there was no wait for the passengers to board; scheduled departure had come and gone and we were coming to the rescue. It was sort of awkward going from such a fantastic experience to suddenly having to work!

High above San Francisco
I’ve not given up hope for the opportunity to ferry a flight longer than half an hour. A whole aircraft with nothing but crew, access to movies, cooking your own meal at your leisure, hanging out in the cockpit…ferrying a flight…it’s my favorite!

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My Favorite Things: Working It

One thing this job has is lots of variety. This is not a job for people who like the mundane; who like regulated tasks; who like repetition. I see people working on assembly lines and think to myself, “I’d rather be attacked by a giant fruit cake!” Besides the constantly varying days off, my job is full of different destinations and aircraft.

An Airbus about to land at EWR

The question I get asked most, and gets my eyes rolling, is, “What is your route?” It’s OK, not many people realize how 60s that question is. Only the most senior flight attendant has a constant ‘route’. And if I ever become that senior, I don’t know that I would want one. I like variety.
There are periods of holding similar trips for a month or two; plus, every other month I’m on call and have no control over where I fly. A few winters ago, I was holding Boston layovers, which I thoroughly enjoyed. But soon, the flying shifted and I was holding Orlando. While not as exciting as Boston, I liked the hotel in Orlando and the airport is nice. One month you may see Austin, Texas 3 or 4 times, and then you won’t see it for years. It’s fun going to cities after years of not being there, such as a recent layover in Memphis, where the previous one for me was over 10 years ago! There is no ‘route’, just a constant change.
My airline has 8 kinds of aircraft in her fleet and I am trained for each one. I used to love flying on the 747. It’s such a big bird, lots of places to roam, many passengers to get to know, 15 or so crew members and it takes you far away from home, which is the main reason I got this job. The 777 is a great plane to work because it was designed with input from flight crew. It’s the largest twin engine airliner in the world. We have several variants of the ’67 and the ’37. The 787 seems like a great plane, but I’ve yet to work on one.
Interior of an Airbus 

There are things I don’t like about the Airbus, such as the manner in which the jumpseat seat belts constantly get stuck when it retracts. But there is a lot to like about the aircraft, such as the wider aisles and flight attendant-friendly gallies. (The new 737 galleys were obviously designed by people who were never flight attendants!)

If I had to choose one position on one plane, I think I would choose purser on the Airbus A319. When I was based in San Francisco, there was nothing better than that position on a transcon red-eye flight. For the most part, the passengers sleep for most of the flight. There was a quick little service after takeoff, I would then assist with picking up trash in economy, and then it was pretty much just keeping yourself busy for 4 hours. As a writer and a night owl, this was very easy for me. I used to get a lot accomplished on those flights.
The nice thing about flying purser is being the only one on the jumpseat. There are a lot of times when I like peace and quiet, including at work. There’s nothing worse than sitting on the jumpseat next to a flight attendant who’s name is Chatty Kathy and all I want to do is listen to the conversation in my head. But with all the chatter, all my inside voice can do is shout, “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!”
View from door 2L on an Airbus

We don’t have that many long night flights being based in Houston. And in Houston, we don’t see the 747. But I do still get a lot of flights on the A319. They’re rarely all nighters, but I am often purser. The variety is great with this job, but when I’m purser on the 319, that’s my favorite!

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My Favorite Things: Never Fully Dressed

Caught me smiling!

“A smile seems to have a favorable influence upon others and makes one likable and more approachable.” –Mona Lisa (maybe)

Fifteen years ago, my mother was a nervous flier. She’s much better now, and I think my careermay have had something to do with that. She once told me that she always watches the flight attendants. If they are calm, there is nothing to fear. If they looked scared, she starts making out her final will and testament on the in-flight napkin.
Thisseems to be true with many fliers. I notice during bouts of turbulence how the first thing people do is to look out the window. If the shade is closed, they will open it, be blinded by the immense brightness, close it and then squint at me to see if I’m calm. I’m never scared of turbulence; I love turbulence…I love to feel the plane flying. Yeah, I’m one of those.
One day I realized that when doing the beverage service, I tended to purse my lips and look serious as I concentrated on remembering the 3-6 drink orders I had just taken. I wasn’t smiling. So I now take no more than 2 orders at a time and make sure I’m always smiling, so that everyone can see the friendly flight attendant about to serve them, and not some machine.
Not smiling with a Moai in Chile

One of our local union presidents never smiles. I’ve never seen one grace his face. He looks as if he may be in pain or hates the entire world. People always wonder how he was ever hired as a flight attendant in the first place. A smile is formed primarily by flexing the muscles at the sides of the mouth. He apparently had them removed.Some smiles include a contraction of the muscles at the corner of the eyes, an action known as a “Duchenne smile”. Smile and the world smiles with you!

My favorite thing is when passengers smile. During boarding, it’s so nice to see a smile. It opens up the chance for conversation as they they stand in the line waiting to reach their seat. I’ll make a comment on the nice smile and guess that they may be going home. “That’s a great smile…you must be going home. Nothing like getting home after a trip.”

A nice smile from an employee


A passenger deplaning with a smile usually means they were happy with the flight, and that’s why I’m there, after all, besides safety and security, to make their flight memorable. I give a parting comment to every passenger as they leave the plane and the big smiles, the thank yous, the hand shakes and comments about the nice service, the great announcements, the friendly crew…it really makes my day.
Is it odd that one of my favorite things about my job is something as simple as a friendly passenger smile? No, I don’t think it’s odd. It’s just nice. They say you’re never fully dressed without one. And if I’m any good at this, you, the reader, are smiling now! A friendly smile. It’s my favorite.

Even the aircraft interphone has a smile!




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My Favorite Things: The Double Chime

An arrival in Lisbon

Whether it’s a great flight or one where, as I say, “I earned my money on that one!” there is no better sound than the double chime. Any flight attendant would agree. Ding…ding. At the end of the flight it means get in gear, the plane is now on final approach. If you’re working with a crew member as dry as a slice of fruit cake, it means in half an hour you most likely won’t fly with them again for a very long time. If you’re about to start vacation, it means that all though your brain has been on vacation for a week, your body is about to finally get in synch. If at the end of a trip assignment, it means that you’re home. After a long 4-day domestic trip, it’s simply the best sound in the universe.

The pilots engage the double chime when we descend to 10,000 feet. They do so by cycling the no smoking sign off and back on. Right after take off it tells us the cockpit is no longer sterile, a term that means we are not to disturb them. On approach it’s our signal to prepare for landing and that we can no longer bother the pilots with anything but safety related business.
At this point, we’ve picked up the trash and now we conduct our safety checks. No more pillows and blankets to hand out. No more water for your medicine. No more milk for your baby. It’s go time. Safety checks (seats forward, bags, tray tables, and head rest are stowed) and a jumpseat away from what we hope is a short taxi and then get off the plane…we want to go home!

Jet bridge controls

What is better is when the double chime sounds early. Flight crews, just like our wonderful passengers, love arriving early. I once had a layover in Hawaii and arrived an hour early, which was splendid. On a horrid, short layover in a worn-out airport hotel, an early arrival means just that much more rest before going at it the next day. And when home, I love it when I reach my car and look at my watch and think, ‘gee, had we been on time, I’d just now be touching down, yet here I am, in my Peng-UV, about join the masses on my commute home’. (Yes, I call my SUV a Peng-UV. Why not?)
There can be a down side to an early arrival, and don’t even mention it, for it is likely to happen. The dreaded ‘gate-is-occupied’. That’s the worst…arriving early and having to sit on the plane…on the ground…even longer after a long flight. But when the gate is free, and we’re early, that’s a good day.
Waiting for the jet bridge

Another bad thing is having a gate, arriving to it, the engines shut down and the passengers are right behind me, waiting for the door to be opened, but there is no gate agent to bring the jet bridge up. “I guess they weren’t expecting us this early,” I’ll say to those just behind me.

And it’s funny when we are due in early, the captain has stated as much on his several announcements, but a passenger will stop me to ask about a tight connection. I’ll look at their ticket and see that they had 50 minutes when we were to be on time. “No worries, ma’am, we’re due in 20 minutes early.”
You may notice often, flight crew standing in the galley at the end of the flight after the seat belt sign is on. We may be talking about our weekend or our next trip. We may be talking about the strange dude in 22A. We may be talking about the overly talkative pilots. But when you hear the double chime, you’ll see us smile and maybe do a little dance. The double chime. It’s my favorite!
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Adventures in Flight: The Blue Room

Fifteen years ago I became a flight attendant and began a new career in the skies of the world. I have always loved flying and have had a fascination with aviation since I was a small boy. My eyes always turn upwards when I hear the roar of a jet airplane overhead. The thrill I felt was obvious and in those early days of internet, I would write my friends and family about my new adventures flying hither and yon around the world, so blue.
At one point, I asked if anyone had any questions for the new flight attendant in their life. I always interrogated pilots I met about how things worked and what their work life was like. I just assume everyone is as excited about flying as I am. I think I had only one question, from a very good friend of mine who had recently moved to Chicago. She asked me about the lavatory.
Also known as the blue room, a reference to the royal blue color of the water that flushes the toilet, the lav is a unique place on an airplane. It’s only a step above a porta-potty and I try to avoid using it as the oval office at any cost- only in emergencies. Many flight attendants carry their own air freshener to combat the assortment of odors that emanate from within one. And here is a tip for those times you just have to have a seat: use the seat covers to line the bowl to prevent anything untoward (poo) from sticking and not washing down. There’s nothing worse than going in and finding claw marks from the person ahead of you.
My friend, Sue, wanted to know when flight attendants used the lavatory, as she apparently had never seen one do so. Silly girl. When we receive our wings, we become gods. Using the lavatory is no longer a necessity. I wish! I do refer to those who don’t have a career in the skies as mortals, but we certainly do use the lavatory on airplanes. Elsewhere, too.
It’s funny, but to this day, some 15 years later, I still think of this question whenever I slip into one. The things our mind holds onto. (Don’t tell her I think of her every time I’m in there!)
After takeoff
The short answer is that we get up out of our jump seats before the seat belt sign is turned off. One of the reasons, besides getting ready for the service, is to jump in the lavs before the line forms, going up the cramped aisle. Some of the women also need to change their shoes; off with the heels and on with the work flats. Some of us wear smocks. So this is the time, when the mortals are still required to remain seated, for us to get in there and get situated before we get inundated with the passengers. It’s why you may hear a stern warning if you’re up before the sign goes off, “Um, hello, the seat belt sign is on, see the little seat belt symbol all illuminated? Yes, so turn around and go back to your seat and wait for us to use it first!” 
The same goes for landing. The seat belt sign comes on for several reasons. Yes, as we pass through cloud layers into in the arrival city to which is our destination, we tend to encounter more turbulence. But we also need to have access to the aisles to conduct our safety checks, run paperwork to the purser in first class, and have a moment to use the lavs once more before landing. No one wants to encounter the rare emergency landing with a full bladder! Imagine the horror of being on the nightly news after having evacuated an aircraft with a huge wet stain on your pants.
“Yes, Steve, as you can see, we have another case of fearless flight attendants who were just doing their job, evacuating everyone safely, with no injuries to report. Here is one such brave flight attendant, who seems have to wet herself in the process. Well, back to you in the studio.”
Approach into EWR
So do as your parents taught you, use that time before the boarding process begins, and use the rest room before you board the aircraft and give us a chance to do our thing before you have to do yours. And be careful about you ask a flight attendant. You may ruin a good memory of yourself! (Just kidding, Sue!)

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Adventures in Flight: The Enabler

FA Penguin, at your service

This is how it usually happens; I ask a first class passenger what they would like to drink. They ask what wines we have and after listing them, they find they don’t like what we have to offer and instead order a diet coke. I ask, “We went from wine to ordering a diet coke?”

Or the time I asked the young woman on her first trip to Chile along with her husband for her drink order. She asked for orange juice. I comment, “Just orange juice?… nothing more exciting, like a mimosa or a screw driver?”
Or the young college guy on my flight to Buenos Aires, who looked like he wanted to ask me a question as I picked up his dinner tray, from which he’d eaten every morsel. After pressing him, he said he would love a second meal if that was possible. I told him it was quite possible, as we had a few left. Later, during the landing service, I asked if he’d again like a second meal. He smiled wide and nodded, as if I’d offered the keys to Shangri La. It wasn’t so much his nice demeanor and smile, all though, that’s the quickest way to a flight attendant’s heart. I’m an enabler!
Life is short and one has to live it to the fullest before it throws you under the bus. Or in my case, under the plane (although, these days, it’s harder to tell the difference between the two judging from those who travel).

I’ve been an enabler for many years, and it’s only intensified after my 2 close calls with death. If there’s something you want to do, something you want to try, something you want to experience, I say, get out there and do, try or experience while you still can! You’re never promised tomorrow.

One of the things I enjoy about being a flight attendant is being part of people’s life adventure. I deliver passengers to weddings, to vacations, to job interviews and even funerals. Travel is such a rich experience. Some of us get to do it all the time. Others, only once in a while. I strive to do my best at making sure people who need it, can have a memorable experience while on board the aircraft.
Some of the girls going to PVR

Just a few days ago, I was flying to Puerto Vallarta. On board were 10 attractive young ladies, all wearing identical tee shirts, all quite vibrant and happy. One asked if she could buy all the ladies in the group a drink; all 10 of them. I said, certainly! What’s the occasion? They were all friends of passenger18A, who was about to get married, but not before this bachelorette party let them loose on the Mexican beach resort. I asked what the men were doing. They were all taking a cruise! “You guys know how to do things right!” I told them.

The rock star life in Lima

Currently, I’m writing this from Lima, Peru, where I dined on Peruvian dishes for both lunch and dinner in the hotel executive lounge. Last night, after arriving to our swank hotel, I enjoyed a few Pisco sours at the casino bar with some of my crew. I am enjoying the view over the Pacific ocean from my 15th floor room. I live like a rock star! I could never afford such a lifestyle without this job; staying in deluxe hotels all around the world, meeting fun people, working with great crews and trying local dishes and drinks. I truly am wealthy for my life, my friends and my family. 

I don’t care about your diet, I’ll offer you dessert. I don’t care about your beliefs, I’ll tempt you with sin. I don’t care about your conservative ways, I’m going to keep having fun, and go sliding into my grave sideways, shouting for joy! I just want you to accompany me. Not in the grave part, but in having fun getting there!