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Passenger of the Day: Meltdown

 

I’m a typical Sagittarius- love to travel, outgoing, tend to speak my mind, often without fully considering the ramifications. On my last birthday, I turned 46. I often still feel like I’m in my 30s; mentally, that is…my body often demands that I’m 46. I have a younger brother who came to be when I was 9, so I have vivid memories of his younger years. Being the oldest grandchild, I have numerous younger cousins. Many of my friends have children and I’ve been a flight attendant for 14 years, so I have seen my share of kids and temper tantrums.
I have never seen a meltdown like this. Ever.
It was a red eye to Newark so much like any of the many red eyes to Newark I work on a regular basis. The sun had come up and a few passengers had their shades raised, so it was light in the cabin. I looked at the display at my jumpseat which showed 22 minutes left of flight. My flying partner came to the forward galley to inform me that all though the seatbelt sign had been turned on, a man in row 10 was having trouble getting his daughter to sit down and buckle up. He snapped at her when she asked to have the child buckled up. I looked back and saw that he was now going down the aisle to the aft lavatory with the princess in tow.
I remember them from boarding. She was a cute thing; blond hair, chubby cheeks, cute lavender-colored shirt. She was about 3 years old. Dad was about my age, his brown hair beginning to gray. He was traveling alone with his daughter.
Early morning from the plane

When they came back up the aisle, she was still unhappy, but not any worse than many kids I see at this stage of flight. Some have issues on descent with the air pressure hurting their ears. Others just get bored out of their gourd, or tired, so they act out. I often find it a little humorous when they have their tantrums. I remember my brother; he’d go silent as the big scream would build pressure, then he would simply collapse to the ground like a rag doll, or one of those toys that goes limp when you press on the bottom of their stand. Then, being the big brother I was, I would wave my arms in unison to his cries, like a musical conductor. It never seemed to help the situation, but I enjoyed it.
The captain signaled our final approach and it was time to prepare the cabin for landing. I made my announcements and then walked back to the cabin to assist in the checks. I got to row 10 and the little girl was now in full-tantrum mode. Dad, his full attention on his girl, was struggling to have her sit down and get her buckled in. I could tell I didn’t need to say anything, so I didn’t. I observed for a moment and let him know I was there in case he needed anything. He barely regarded me, as he continued to struggle with her.
I could see them quite well from my jumpseat. What’s worse, I could hear them as well. Actually, not them, but her. She screamed in a gravelly voice of a little girl. Her vocabulary for this meltdown was limited; basically just, “Let me go! I need to pee,” (which she was making up) “No! I don’t want to!” and, “I want to go!” People around managed to mostly ignore the tantrum, but every now and then I could see a smirk. Sure, I felt badly for the dad, but it was a bit humorous.
As we neared the airport, the meltdown went into hyper-mode. We were about 1500 feet from the ground and she was now standing in her seat. Her head bobbed from side to side as her hands went up and down as if she were beating an invisible drum. (I think I saw her eyes roll back and green vomit spill forth.) She began to hit her father, who was taking it all very well, but was looking worn and tattered. His calm was waning, but he calmly answered her cries and tried to sweet talk her into sitting in her seat.
Suddenly, I could no longer see her, and Dad had moved into the window seat, where she had been standing. I could only see the top of his head, which was directed towards the wall. It appeared that he was holding her in place in the corner of the wall and the seat in front. His head bobbed from the continued affront by his daughter; I could tell he was still being pummeled.
As we continued to descend into the New York area, I had thoughts of, ‘what if he hurts her? What if he reaches his limit and stuffs a sock in her mouth?’ I looked back and he had returned to his center seat and again struggled to place her in her seat belt. He soon gave up, and amid her shouts he simply held her as close to him as he could, all the while, she struggled to free herself and attempt to beat him, still screaming to be let go.
About a minute before touching down, I saw a few heads turn. Passengers in front were looking back, passengers behind were looking around and forward. Up to this point, Dad seemed to think that if he didn’t look at anyone, no one would notice them. But he was now looking around and centered his gaze at someone just behind him who I couldn’t see.
I heard him demand, “What are you laughing at? You think this is funny?” Um, well…
I was this close to picking up the microphone and letting him know that I would not be having any of that on my plane. But I realized this man was a hero up to this point in dealing with the meltdown, and it was amazing that he had not had his own meltdown before now. With his little girl continuing her rampage and screams, and with the plane just above the treetops, I continued to observe.
Dad stayed in his seat after the door opened and the passengers filed into the early morning of Newark’s Liberty Airport. Many smiled and rolled their eyes at me as they left, and as the passengers came from further and further behind row 10, I realized that this girl’s meltdown was louder than maybe I thought, as everyone seemed relieved to be leaving the monster behind. And where most children sober up at this point, hers was still going!
There was a lull in people leaving and the dad took the opportunity to make his way off the plane. In one arm was the demon child from his loins. In the other was his carry-on bags. I noticed her little pink flip-flops on her delicate feet, which, as she reached the door, she began to kick and they went flying in two directions. The nice woman behind them bent down to pick them up for him. He only got about 10 feet inside the jet bridge when he had to put her down, take possession of the shoes she’d kicked off and readjust, while still trying to calm his girl down.
At this point, the little girl was pointing back at the plane yelling that she wanted to go back. I was thinking, “Oh, hell no, you’re not getting back on ‘this’ plane!”
When my two flying partners reached the galley area, I quickly debriefed them of the goings on just before touchdown. They could hear her screams all the way in the back, but didn’t hear him yell. It was so sad and I felt badly for the father and girl.
The three of us made our way into the terminal to meet our hotel van. It had been a long night and we were ready for sleep. There were a gaggle of passengers ready to board the plane we had just brought in from San Francisco, but the next gate was vacant. There was meltdown girl, still with the tantrum, some 40 minutes after it had begun, and Dad, seated next to the window, as far away from others as possible, hair a now a mess, trying to reel her in. He had a hold of her, but she soon broke free and started away from him. I looked back and the last thing I saw was this little girl with beautiful blond hair, grabbing stanchions and tossing them to the floor like some lavender-shirted Godzilla letting lose on a city. I’ve never felt so bad for a parent. I’ve never been more sure of not wanting children of my own!
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Passenger of the Day: Brown Shirt

Passenger of the day:
At first there wasn’t much remarkable about Brown Shirt. Sure, he was fit, that was the first thing to notice about him. That, and his youth. Together, as well as the tight brown tee and snug denim jeans he wore, it was the kind of look that garnered second glances from many of the passengers who had already boarded and settled into their business class seats, but attractive people aren’t anything new. I noticed the middle-aged woman in 8F eying him up and down as he made his way to his seat. Our eyes met and she quickly looked down, having been caught checking him out.
Brown Shirt, at first look, seemed to be in his mid to late twenties. After closer inspection, I think he was more likely to be in his mid thirties. He had a full head of light brown, almost blonde hair. His skin was youthful, but was just starting to show signs of the recklessness of youth; too much time in the sun, not enough moisturizer.
It wasn’t his strong physique that piqued so much interest in Brown Shirt for me to feature him as Passenger of the Day. It was hard to ignore, with his tight brown shirt with super short sleeves. It showed off his well-developed arms, the kind more akin to a gymnast than a body builder. The tightness of the shirt also showcased a tight pair of pecs. I would imagine that 8F would have liked the rest of the torso, with a six, no possibly an eight pack.
He reached his seat at 6G and before placing his carry-on items away, he removed the things he would need for our 5-hour flight to SFO. A small laptop, a pair of bulky and expensive head phones, a few power adapters with the cords neatly wrapped around, an electronic tablet and an Ipod. This was a guy who’s security blanket was technology, but this isn’t what stood out, either.
The space above his seat had already been claimed. The man in 6F had arrived just before him and placed his larger item there. He pulled down the overhead bin across the aisle, towards me, and found a spot for his larger item there. When he reached up to put his bag in this space, even the large surly man seated next to me took notice. The arm muscles went taut with the weight of the suit case and the shirt lifted up over the waist band of his jeans exposing a bit of skin. His jeans were low and a decorative band with bright stripes was exposed; flashy and expensive underwear. I guess if I had a body like that, I’d be a little showy as well.
Still in need of space for a smaller back pack, he moved a row back and found space in a bin, but there were a few blankets that someone had placed there. He half picked one out and asked the man in 6F if he needed the blankets. Being told no, he pushed them back to make space and then leaned down to pick up the back pack he’d placed on the ground. While he did this, 6F put his back pack in his space. It made me chuckle as I could see Brown Shirt roll his eyes, 6F clueless to the fact that the space was not arranged for that of a stranger. Without hesitation, Brown Shirt shoved 6F’s small bag to the back and placed his back pack in front and then lifted the large bin closed, again exposing the flesh above his colorful underwear waistband. The woman in 8F again taking note, and this time not looking to see that I noticed her.
What I noticed next and what happened for much of the flight is what was so remarkable about the young man with the rock-hard body in 6G, Brown Shirt. It was an activity I’ve seen before but never with such vigor, and I know my writing abilities will fail to provide a picture that does this story justice.
It couldn’t be from stress. Brown Shirt was too young for that much stress, and judging from the head phones and Ipod and the fact that he seemed to be watching shows on his computer, it’s not like he was overworked. Although, seeing a young man such as Brown Shirt having a business-class ticket made me wonder just what he did for a living. We were leaving the nation’s capital for Silicon Valley. Perhaps he was a big shot with some technology company visiting DC to talk lawmakers into opening up loopholes so his company can further cash in. Or maybe he was just visiting family, a rich fortune 500 member, perhaps, who demanded certain results in the lofty expectations that the rich have on their family.
Maybe it wasn’t stress, but simply a nervous tic. Or maybe, just maybe, Brown Shirt had the best tasting fingers of all time! Yes, Brown Shirt spent much of this trip biting his fingernails. But this wasn’t your grandfather’s fingernail biting. This was a craft honed and perfected by a pro.
Think of a young boy at a picnic. He’s not eaten in hours and has been playing rigorously on the playground with other boys his age. He’s not worn out yet, but he’s got a voracious appetite. Mom calls the boy to the table and hands him a plate of chicken wings. Some of his friends are still playing, so he’s in a hurry to eat so he can get back to the jungle gym. He eats one wing in less 15 seconds and moves on to the second. While eating the second he’s already eying his plate for which wing will be third. He eats quickly and with passion.
This is the image I had in seeing Brown Shirt attack, not only his finger nails, but cuticles, as well. Placing his finger into his mouth, he’d move the finger this way and that, while his jaw moved the teeth up and down to get at the good part. He’d take it out and regard it briefly for a new plan of attack and then pounce on the victim. Every now and then, he’d free a piece of dead skin and roll it around in his mouth, letting his tongue feel it against the back of his teeth, moving it from one side to the next before ingesting it. Then he’d go at it again.
He moved with quickness. He was a professional. This was a race and he was far, far ahead. There was so much to eat and not one, but TWO hands with five fingers each. One finger, then the next; nail and then cuticle. Right hand and then left, all the while intently watching the images on his laptop and oblivious to anything else going on aboard the plane. Finger in, chew, turn, gnaw, turn, chomp, chew, gnaw, turn, bite, finger out, observe, finger in, chew, gnaw, turn, scrape, scrape, chew, turn, gnaw, turn, chew, scrape, turn, gnaw, finger out, another finger in, chew, scrape, gnaw, turn, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, turn, chew, bite, enjoy.
Then the airplane door was closed and we pushed back. My seat was rear-facing and in the center of the plane, his was forward-facing, next to the window. I had only to turn my head to look outside and I could see him clearly, going to town. I would eventually lose interest in watching his appetite for fingers as I enjoyed a meal (not finger food) and a movie, followed by a nap. When I awoke, I noticed he was still at it. It made me chuckle. This was some good entertainment, here!
I’ve never seen anyone chew their fingernails with such vigor. I am certain to never see this again. It wasn’t for the tightness of the shirt to show off the hard work in the gym. It wasn’t for the youthfulness of being in business class, surrounded by business travelers. For looking like a squirrel going after a meal in the park, you, Brown Shirt, are passenger of the day.
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Passenger of the Day: Karma Airlines

Mr. Sir stepped on board the full 737 and immediately started in on the customer service agent who was standing in the galley drinking a cup of water and chatting with the flight attendant. “I’m NOT going to check this bag and you can’t make me!” he demanded. The agent slowly turned his gaze to the man and took a drink of water. He said nothing and continued his conversation with the flight attendant.
Mr. Sir was a tall and broad man. I was happy he was not seated next to me. Next to me was a demure and quite attractive young black woman, who spent nearly the entire flight reading a book; one of the best kinds of seat mates there are…besides an invisible one! He wasn’t next to me, but he and his wife were behind me. He sported a very full beard, nearly white, to match his hair. He looked to me like a Harley rider, one of the cookie-cutter variety, big, intimidating, hairy, like so many I used to know when I was the GM of a dealership. He probably carried a rifle in his arm and Jesus on his sleeve and his mind would be as open as a gift shop on Christmas Day.
Looking to store their luggage, the two of them began opening overhead bins, since most were closed now that we were only moments from the time when we are supposed to be pushing back from the gate. I thought I had seen an open spot over 3C, and mentioned this to the wife, but when she opened it, there was no room. I made an apology, but she didn’t seem to hear as she continued her search. I was getting frustrated in watching them, so I turned my gaze out the window to watch the ramp workers load bags onto the plane, instead- I supposed there was a good reason they place every bag on its belly and not its back. Mr. Sir asked his wife if she wanted the window or the aisle, and her decision placed her immediately behind me.
This really began my in flight entertainment. The two began a conversation of complaints that would last over an hour: Airline booked their flights so they had to come from one end of the terminal to the other to catch this flight. He noted that even had their arriving flight been on time, boarding for this flight would have commenced before they were scheduled to reach the gate, so it was a good thing this flight was running late, too. I thought to myself, yeah, Airline sits there and schedules gates just for you, knowing you needed the exercise. “Well, at least this flight will be safer than that last.” she responded. “Let’s hope so.” I wondered what was so unsafe about their last flight.
I tried to block them out as best I could, watching the goings on out my exit row window. Soon I could see us enter the penalty box and I knew something was up. Sure enough, we came to a stop and the engines shut down. The captain came on the PA and informed us that air traffic control (ATC) had given us a ground hold due to weather and needing to space out incoming aircraft to SFO. We would be delayed for an hour, however, that can often be altered and we could be taking off sooner. Not on this trip. We’d be there for the full hour and I’d be listening to Mr. Sir and his wife complain and make calls altering their hotel and rental car agreements.
Mr. Sir now blamed Airline for this delay. I wanted to turn around to inform him that an ATC delay had nothing to do with airline, but I knew that would be futile and would most likely only enrage him further. I kept silent and just listened. I didn’t want to, but his voice was so loud. “Airline should buy all our drinks for this kind of delay.” he demanded.
The flight attendant made an announcement that due to the delay, the satellite TV system would be complimentary. Soon, it was determined that several TVs were not working properly, so the system was re-set. The re-set did little good and from my seat I could see there were a few not working. I quickly found out that Mr. Sir’s was among these. Of course he complained again, “What a great airline, they promise free TV for everyone, but not us.”
When the hour was up we were quickly racing down the runway and alighted from Dulles Airport. The complaints came to an end. When the drink cart arrived to his seat, he ordered 2 rums and 2 Baileys. The flight attendant kept to company regulations, telling Mr. Sir that we are only allowed to serve one drink at a time. While an actual company policy at Airline, it’s one mostly ignored by flight attendants. Mr. Sir acquiesced and then, the flight attendant made my day by charging him.
It was later, in flight, when hanging out in the galley, when I found out about Mr. Sir’s attitude when boarding the plane and I also heard that he was the only one they charged for alcohol on the first round of drinks. So it’s true, bees really do get more honey with sugar!
About 3 hours into the flight, his wife starts bumping my seat at regular intervals; slamming into it, pushing the seatback forward, bumping it. It began driving me insane. It would let up for about 10 minutes, then start again. Finally, at wit’s end and fearing for what I was about to start, I undid my seat belt and turned to face his wife. I smiled and I politely asked, “Is everything OK?” “Who me?” she asked. “Yeah, there seems to be something wrong and I thought I’d check to see if you’re OK. You keep hitting the back of my seat. Can I get you anything?” She said she was about to go berserk and was ready to get off this airplane, and Mr. Sir interjected that it had been a very long day. I casually glanced at him and then back to her, “Well, let me know if I can get you anything. We’ve got about 40 minutes left of flying time and we’ll be on the ground soon.” She thanked me and I took my seat happy that it went so well and that I decided not to change out of uniform for the flight.
Finally, we arrived at our gate in San Francisco. As his wife apologized to me for the seat, Mr. Sir scolded another passenger for not knowing how to deplane, “You’re supposed to wait for the people ahead of you to get out first!” At least this infraction kept his attention from me, as I had about reached my limits with his attitude. Welcome to SF, Mr. Sir, and good luck!
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One of the worst days

Another gorgeous Pacifica day; clear blue skies, slight breeze, wonderful ocean with mist rising into the air; I love living here. I had my plan: Chinese consulate to renew my visa, stop at Costco for gas and a few items, doctor’s office, then to the mall to conduct a mystery shop for dinner.
I left a little later than planned, so I felt rushed to get to the consulate before they closed. Traffic was heavy, like it was nearing rush hour, but it was only 1:20. I found a parking spot only 2 blocks from the consulate, which was good for the part of the city I was in. It was now ten to two and the sign stated no parking from 11-2. There were many other cars parked, so I thought I’d take my chance, but no need to worry. I got half a block and suddenly I realized I didn’t recall grabbing my passport. I checked my pockets and the contents of the envelope in which I had placed my application. Nothing. All that way, all that traffic, for nothing. Back to the car in shame.
                Because of the traffic, I decided to go back a different route, which did seem better. I found a good parking spot at Costco and as I grabbed my wallet to show my membership ID, I realized I DID have my passport. Now I was really kicking myself. How could I have not realized I actually had it on me? Why didn’t I feel it when I searched my pockets? And the whole drive back south I was racking my brain on where I had put it the night before after making the required copies for the application. I just couldn’t remember.

Cloudy
                My brain has been on vacation for a while. It was very bad after my illness in November of 2009. It’s been a long, slow process of healing and feeling like I’m on top of things again.  A few weeks ago, I nearly missed my first trip back to work after thinking it was on a Sunday, when it was actually on a Saturday. I still don’t know how I did that. Now this.
                I felt bad and a bit worried about myself so I called Mom and told her. She laughed, saying she does things like this all the time. I hear that a lot, when explaining odd things I have done in my recovery. But I was never like this. Mom used to always tell me what a great memory I had. I graduated in the top 10% of my class. I’m a smart person. Or I used to be.
                I told Mom I was in Costco to get some mouthwash. I also needed to buy ink for my printer, cash my annual cash back check and stop for gas. I walked around as I talked to Mom and got a few food samples. I found the mouthwash and got in line. Before leaving, I thought I’d treat myself to a mocha freeze. I pulled out of the parking lot to head to the doctor’s office, not half a mile away. I still had 20 minutes, so I parked in the garage with a view of San Bruno Mountain and texted a friend of mine, who I knew would enjoy hearing of my time with trying to renew my visa. He did laugh.
                As I sat in the waiting room, I realized I had left Costco without getting ink or cashing my check. Now I was really feeling stupid. I was also feeling quite tired and while I waited to see the doctor about my sleep apnea, I wondered if there isn’t something more seriously wrong than just, well, “I do things like that all the time, it’s normal.”
                Things checked out OK at the doctor’s. My next stop was the mall. My assignment there was to have dinner at Five Guys to evaluate customer service and timing. I had also received in the mail a week prior a post card from the mall. Turn it in to receive a gold egg and maybe inside will be a $500 prize. Taking a better look at it, I now realized I was in the wrong mall. It was the right mall for the assignment, but the prize was another mall entirely. Not sure how I didn’t realize that, either.
                On the way home, with my failed day still going through my head, I thought about how I now am constantly worrying myself. When I leave for errands, when I leave a hotel room after a layover, when I board a plane or walk into the briefing room before a flight, I’m always feeling like I’m forgetting something. I take careful notes on what time I have to be places and what things I need to take. For weeks I’ve been forgetting to buy aspirin. Last week I went to cook meals for the pilots, turning on the oven without placing the meals in them. It caused me to overcook the meals for the passengers. I think now know what it feels like to be 80! And it’s scary as hell. This constant feeling like I’m forgetting something is stressful. What if I forget something important, like arming doors for takeoff?
                As I drove down Highway 1 towards home I enjoyed the view of the Pacific Ocean as the sun neared the horizon.  The sky was clear and there was now enough mist over the ocean that it rose quite high and created a haze as I looked out to the ocean. The breeze blew this haze on shore to where it nudged into the hills and gave way to the blue sky above. The light on my gas gauge came on. I had forgotten to get gas at Costco. God damn it.
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Adventures in Flight: Penguin in the Left Seat

The sun had set and a dark purple curtain of darkness had fallen. There wasn’t enough light to be illuminating, yet it wasn’t quite dark enough to say it was night time. I could still see the features of landscape in the distance, but only as darkened objects against the lighter colored sky. I sat in the left seat of a 747 cockpit, the one normally reserved for the plane’s captain. I’m no captain. I’m not even a pilot. I would like to be, but I’m not. But there I was, sitting in the left seat; the engines turning and the lights at the forward landing gear lighting up the centerline of the runway.

In front of me was runway 28-right, the longest of the four runways at San Francisco’s International Airport. A real captain was in the right seat next to me and he hit a switch, turning on the plane’s landing lights, thus illuminating the runway from one side to the other. Past the runway I could see San Bruno Mountain with its antenna towers blinking on and off. I looked to my left and could see the headlights of the cars moving along highway 101 and was happy to not be sitting in the backup of traffic. To my right was the company’s large maintenance hangar and the San Francisco bay was beyond that.

Captain Henry was more than my co-pilot today. He was guiding me through the step by step process of our mission. He finished inputting data into the plane’s computer and we were ready to roll. But first he wanted me to experience taxiing this behemoth. At his instruction, I pushed the throttles forward just over an inch. I heard the engines rev up, felt the vibration and then the plane slowly started to move. With my left hand on the tiller, I began to control the direction the plane went. As we lurched forward, the wheels began to run across the centerline lights and I could feel the plane vibrate over them.

A747 photo by Penguin Scott

I felt like this was a dream. I’ve longed to ride in a 747 cockpit for a very long time. I remember taking a small Cessna from Maryland to New Jersey back in 1999; I was so excited. After we landed, I spoke to my pilot friend about how great it would be to fly in the cockpit of a commercial jetliner. He agreed, and I’ve since done that. But here I was, in the cockpit- the left seat at that- at the controls. It was no dream.

I was instructed to turn right, off of runway 28R, and return the plane to its takeoff position at the start of the long runway. Capt. Henry gave me a stern warning- I was turning too soon. “Don’t forget, the wheels are behind you. You have to pass the center line and then make the turn.” While saying this, he assisted me with the tiller on his side of the cockpit and corrected my mistake. It was a hard thing for me to learn as I did it again on my next turn, for which I was rewarded with another stern warning.

Steering a plane is nothing like steering a car. It doesn’t respond well to small corrections made often. Basically, what I needed to do was put the tiller in one position and let it go. Constant corrections only make the plane continually zig-zag down the taxiway. By the time I learned this, my taxi was complete.

Back at the start of runway 28R, we were now ready for take off. I was buckled in and ready for the task of letting this 747 loose, to tear down the runway and lift off into the night sky. Capt. Henry instructed me to push the throttles forward. There were four; one for each engine, and they all moved in sync. It took a second and then the power hit the engines and the plane lurched forward, gaining speed down the runway. I asked the captain when to rotate. He seemed impressed with my knowledge of this.

When I was in flight attendant initial training, nine years previous, I had the opportunity to sit in a cockpit for the duration of a flight, from push back to block-in. After taking off, I had the chance to ask questions. This is when I learned that the point at which the pilot pulls back on the stick to make the plane take off is the point at which one of the pilots say, “Rotate.” And now, in the 747 cockpit, not sure if he’d state that point of the takeoff roll or not, Capt. Henry said he’d tell me when to do so.

About half way down the runway, he told me to pull back. I did and the plane lifted up. Capt. Henry pushed a lever and the wheels retracted. I could hear them do so and could feel them take their place in the wheel well somewhere below me, just as I had felt so many times before from inside the airplane cabin. He pointed to an artificial horizon (or the attitude indicator) on a screen in front of me and showed me at what point to keep the nose on the screen to keep our current rate of climb. If the plane started to sink below this line, I pulled back a bit. If it started to get too high, I pushed down. Then I was instructed to make a left turn.

As I began to turn the stick, and as the plane began to bank to the left, I noticed that I was losing my rate of climb, so I pulled back on the stick. It was difficult and took a bit of strength. I was concentrating so hard on keeping the rate of climb, that I ignored the turn. I got another stern warning from the right seat, “Watch your turn or you’ll end up in the drink,” which was slang for water, or in this case, the Pacific Ocean.

We were now over the water just off the coast of Pacifica, which was my home. I looked up and out of the cockpit window and we were in a very steep bank. He grabbed the wheel in front of him and corrected it back to a normal left turn. It was a good thing the cockpit has two sets of throttles so he could make the flight corrections we needed.

His warnings reminded me a lot of my grandfather teaching me to drive. I spent my summers visiting my grandparents in the Texas Panhandle. Once I had my learner’s permit, he went with me on a short drive. He had a tendency to sound a bit more stern than I’m sure he meant to, but he made his point and was concerned about me wrapping his nice car around a pole, or worse, another car. And like my grandfather, Capt. Henry was concerned about our safety, not to mention that of our flight.

The turn was completed and we were now flying steady at about eight thousand feet just off the coast of California. I could see the car lights on Hwy. 1. Capt. Henry instructed the woman in the jump seat directly behind me to hit a switch and suddenly the windows went blank; nothing to see but a gray screen. Another switch was hit and the windows came back to life. Suddenly, the view changed to about five miles south of the airport. We were now over the bay, frozen in time, suspended as if in a video game.

But this was no ordinary video game. This was a multi million dollar simulator, used by the best pilots of the company for training purposes. My captain in the right seat was a flight instructor. And I had just taxied and taken off a 747 airplane. Not a real one, of course. But you can’t get any closer to the real thing than one of these simulators. From the traffic on highway 101 and the blinking lights of the towers on San Bruno Mountain, to the wheels crossing the lights on the runway and the feel of the wheels retracting after takeoff, everything was as real as the real thing itself.

From the outside, I was in a contraption supported by numerous jacks that control a motion platform. On the inside, I was in a 747 cockpit just like any other in our fleet. Inputs made from inside controlled the motion platform, which was calibrated in such a manner that even the slightest motion, like the wheel going over the center line, made a movement noticeable in the cockpit.

A flight simulator

We were now ready to land, and with the hit of another switch we were again moving. The lights of the city below were angled as the nose of the plane was pointed at the beginning of the runway we were about to land on. As we crossed the San Mateo Bridge, he lowered the landing gear. As they locked into place, they added drag on the plane’s flight, and we could feel that in the cockpit as slight vibrations. Looking at the attitude indicator, I kept the box on the artificial horizon where it was supposed to be for our landing. I thought Capt. Henry did most of the flying on the approach, but he swears it was all me. I know this plane can land itself, and it really did seem to fly quite easily.

The plane came to a stop. I had landed. The switches were hit and the screens went blank again. When they came back on, we were at the start of runway 28R once more. I got out of the left seat and Sandy, the flight attendant seated behind me climbed in. Now it was her turn to fly and mine to observe.

I was at our main training facility for my annual recurrent emergency training (RET) to refresh my skills of being a flight attendant. Once a year, we are required to practice opening and closing airplane doors, drill emergency procedures, recertify our AED and CPR skills, and get hands on experience using emergency equipment, such as fire extinguishers. I normally do this at my home base in the Bay Area, where I also live. But for some reason, this year I was sent to the facility where the pilots also train. And after a few of us in class expressed interest in a tour of one of the huge simulators, our instructor was able to arrange for Capt. Henry to meet us early the next day. I had no idea he’d actually let us “fly”, but it was the thrill of a lifetime!

After we completed our takeoff and landing, we went to class, a bit later than planned. I was so excited that I was actually still shaky from the experience. The instructor had informed the class as to why we were late and he asked me how I liked it. I told him that I felt much the same way after my first time sky diving. It was a thrill, exhilarating, and a dream come true. I was on a high like none other! Every nerve tingled. Every sense was alive. I had just taxied, taken off and landed a 747. Not a real one, but the realest I’ll ever get. It was an amazing experience that I’ll not soon forget!

A 747 landing at LAX

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Morristown, NJ


Photo by Penguin Scott

May 28 2008

Long Newark layovers have always been an enjoyable trip, excepting for the 6am departures to go back home. A 0430 pickup means waking up at 0330. That’s 1:30am to me, being that I live in San Francisco. And I’m a night owl, so I’m usually going to bed about the time of our pickup, unless I have to be up for work, of course.

Since hotels in New York are so expensive, we stay about 20 minutes away in a little sleepy town in NJ. Morristown is very historic as well. There are markers for locations where Hamilton met with spies and with French diplomats. There is a cemetery with markers from the 1700’s. George Washington directed troops in the Continental Army here. He was headquartered here, slept here, etc. The fact he slept there, always a big deal it seems, anywhere Washington slept, makes me wonder about the other suppositions that go along with it. Washington must also have pissed in the woods, among other things!

I enjoy finding new things to do on my layovers here in Morristown. I once walked to the Ford mansion, where Washington was based. Once I walked up to Speedwell Lake, a small lake about a mile away with a nice little trail to follow amongst the tall trees and lots swans, ducks and water rings formed from the fish poking their noses into the surface of the lake.

I wanted to see something new for this trip so I got on line and poked around and found out that a few blocks away was a fort on top of a hill. It was called Fort Nonsense. It got its name from the troops who were sent there to build a fort and encampment for about 30 men. Raised above the small town, it was to serve as a lookout for the British and a signal fire, or beacon was to be built to signal troops in the region to gather at preselected meeting points to react to the emergency. The troops thought the work was nonsense, prepared to keep them busy. But Gen. Washington always garnished having the high ground in any situation.

After getting some sleep to recover from my red eye trip, I awoke to beautiful, cloudless day. It was about 70 degrees with a light breeze. I had heard one can see Manhattan from the top of Ft. Nonsense, so I was lucky to have such a nice day to make my viewing of it.

It was quite close, a nice, steep walk up the road to the top. I was alone, save for an ambulance and its crew of 3 who were talking to a guy on a motorcycle. I found a picnic table at which to sit and ponder some things going on in my life for a bit, watching a cute little chipmunk make its way near me; then after finding out I had nothing to offer, scampered off in another direction.

After my break, I walked around, reading the various informational signs that littered the park. They outlined the fort’s history, gave info on the foundaries of the area, informed of troop activities and named Washington’s temporary home nearby.

There were not many good vantage points to get a view, considering that I on top of a hill that I estimate as being about as high as a 20-story building, due to the numerous and high trees. I gathered from the drawings on the plaques that these trees had mostly been chopped down in the late 1700s.

As I approached the one decent opening of trees I passed the 4 other people at the fort, nodding a greeting as the walked from the view back towards the ambulance. However, one guy came up towards me. He smiled at me and asked if I was a history buff. I told not so much, but was just enjoying another thing to do in Morristown, explaining my business here. I told him I’d heard there was a view of Manhattan, but was disappointed in not seeing it. So he walked me down into the grass a bit and started showing me the layout.

To the east is a ridge of mountains, about 600 feet high. This mostly blocks the view, but you can see a few things. He showed me where the Empire State Building was, the spires of the George Washington Bridge, and where the Trade Center Towers used to stand. I was amazed at how far apart it seemed to be, then realized that I was only seeing the top 15 or so floors of the ES building. Were to be on that ridge, closer to town, I would be shown a wondrous view of the city, he told me.

Next he pointed out a few other points of interest; a nearby collage, a water tower-200 feet from which, is where he lived- the hospital he was based in. The hospital is known for it’s heart work. They don’t do transplants there, but soon will be. I told him I hope to never have to find out how well they are!

It was very nice of him to show me these things. I introduced myself and found out his name is Brian. He and his crew do specials, meaning the only transport patients from one hospital to the next, they don’t respond to emergencies. They had a rare occurrence of some downtime and came to the park to relax.

It’s one thing to be able to visit a town and read up on some of its history. It’s another to be able to meet a local get a behind the scenes sort of look and knowledge I would never get on my own. Like Morristown being the seat of the 2nd wealthiest county in the country; the base of many corporations, and the stopping place for some of the elite. The Vanderbilt’s once lived “over there”, Whitney Houston lives in the area, as well some high named Wall St. investors.

The time for our visit came to an end. I walked back down the hill to find many of the workers getting off from work and filling the sidewalks to make their way to their cars and homes.

Like Washington in 1777, I now prepare to rest for the night in the same town he once did. Unlike our founding father, I have a Hyatt bed and soft pillows. I’m also not afraid of the British invading at any given time.

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This is my London layover

Photo by Penguin Scott 2005

Oct 14, 2008

Part One

It’s 330pm in London. I awoke after a 4hour nap. I ate a sandwich, cookies and drank some milk. I read the USA Today, even though it was several days old. It was still news to me. Now I sit in my tiny name-brand hotel room looking out the window. I’ve always heard how small rooms are in Japan, but I’ve never had a room in Japan as small as this in London.

Gray clouds float by, as usual for this town it seems. They float by not entirely lazily, however. Like the people on the sidewalks below them, they seem to have their agendas and so move at an appropriate pace for having such.

My view is of a mostly residential area. While no skyscrapers by any means, a few multi-storied buildings are also in view. But mostly apartment buildings are what I see from my 18th floor hotel room.

They are constructed of brick and look as if they’ve been here for quite some time. The bricks are dark and look wet, like it’s been raining. But the streets are dry and I see no puddles on roofs or sidewalks. Their roofs are littered with small and medium disks used to gather satellite images for the TVs inside.

Not many have balconies. Most that I can see are vacant. Others store chairs or display plant life. Quite a few, again…satellite dishes. Some people are using their balconies to hang laundry to dry.

Along the street below is a wide sidewalk. It’s not over run with people, but looks about on par for a Tuesday afternoon. Along the sidewalk and under the apartments are stores- most of which have signs in both English and Arabic as a clear indication of the part of town I’m in. There is a post office, a fabric store, an electronics store, a few salons a fish market, KFC and a Dominos Pizza.

Red double-decker busses dominate the street. It reminds of seeing taxi cabs in Manhattan. The Brits love their small cars; Citroens, Smart Cars and Mini Coopers are numerous. Oh, and motor bikes; most with the little trunks sitting high just behind their driver, all of whom wear full helmets, unlike their counterparts in America who seem to go for style and comfort over safety.

The clouds move from left to right. Right now they are not so much clouds as one large, gray mass. And here I sit, in London, nothing to do, no plans, done it all before, it seems. Here I sit- watching.

Part Two

The sharp woman who was the purser on my flight from San Francisco had announced a happy hour in her room to begin at 4pm. She announced her room to us upon check-in and that she was going to provide the beer. I like happy hours. I like socializing. I like beer and I had no other plans. London is expensive and I am cheap. OK, maybe not cheap, so let’s stick with thrifty. At ten minutes to 4 I started getting dressed to head out, then realized I was about to make a social faux pas by showing up on time. I sat down and left my room at 415.

I walked into Cindy’s room and was offered a beer from the bathroom sink, full of ice and beer. Two pilots, the captain and the first officer and one flight attendant were already in the room.

Cindy had a better view of London than I had. From her room on the 15th floor, I could see the London Eye (Europe’s largest Ferris wheel), the ‘Gherkin’ building (unofficially named for its similar shape to a pickle) and the tower of Big Ben (one can’t actually ‘see’ Big Ben, as that is the name of the bell within the tower and not the tower itself; a bit of knowledge I picked up on a previous trip). I took a seat near the window knowing that during the lulls of conversation that tend to come with a smaller group, that I could simply turn to take in the views for a moment or two.

However, over the next 90 minutes or so, I found the conversations appealing and the people behind them charming. The room was filled with much laughter and there were numerous times I thought hotel security surely would come knocking any minute. They never did. And even though the company was so engaging, I did tend to turn from time to time to look at the view behind me. And every time I did so, a few others followed my lead as if to see what it was, exactly, that I was looking at, maybe not fully aware that it was merely the whole view in general that attracted me.

By 7 we were all pretty hungry and started to discuss dinner options. Indian food had been thrown out as a possibility and I know from past trips to London that the Indian food here is pretty darned good. Someone threw out fish and Elbert, the flight attendant who had worked in business class with me, suggested a place a few blocks away that he likes to go to for chicken. His suggestion beat out the others, mostly on the construct that we could bring it back to the room to continue drinking. This seemed popular with the pilots, as well as with Cindy, who wanted to make sure she didn’t have leftover beer to deal with. After all, this was a lightly attended happy hour; lighter than most.

Upon exiting the hotel I found myself not as sure of my footing as normal. Cindy had done a good job of passing out beer up in the room. And the weather had turned slightly more foul than before, as the air was now full of a wet mist, which helped us step up our pace a bit.

The chicken place was visible from my room, only I had not noticed it. One big step up into a small restaurant with 4 or 5 small tables, a wall filled with a large menu board and photos of various dishes and a long food table, under the glass of which were dishes mostly of middle eastern and Indian flair. Hummus, kibbeh, lamb, kebabs, fried pies with curries and vegetables, all kept warm under warming lamps and over water tables. In back, along the wall were 2 rotisseries, one with lamb and one with chicken for gyros. The whole place was eerily lit by florescent light.

Elbert ordered for us, a small, whole chicken for each of us. It came with fries and the guys preparing the food for us included a green salad, placed in a small plastic bag. I’d never had salad given to me in a bag!

The prices were great, I’m sure I’ll be back on future trips, knowing how expensive it is in London. (On the bus ride to the hotel, I noted a KFC with a sign for a chicken sandwich that was 4 pounds and a half, which would convert to about eight US dollars.)

We dined in the hotel lobby where, as we finished eating, I noticed a sign stating outside food was not allowed to be consumed. Sure enough, 2 minutes later a manager asked us to leave. Perfect timing! We gathered our trash and resumed as before in the room on the 15th floor and continued to enjoy one another’s company. And beer.

On our food outing we ran into 2 other flight attendants from our flight and they had now joined us, adding new life and fodder for conversing. Being that Cindy’s room, albeit with the better view, was of the same size as mine, it was fun being a bit cramped. Three sat on the bed, two on the floor, the captain in the chair next to the desk and I sat on a make-shift seat of the suitcase stand with pillows so I wouldn’t fall through the straps.

At 1030 we dispersed. Most of my flying partners had earlier flights than I had and they wanted to get to sleep. Mine wasn’t until 4pm the next day, so my plan was to stay up a bit longer and sleep in.

Part Three

The plan was to stay up until 2am, sleep until 10, check out and catch my ride to the airport. It failed at 630am when I awoke to a door slamming in the hallway. More doors followed and continued for the rest of the morning. I couldn’t fall asleep again, as much as I wanted to and as tired as I was. I turned on the TV and hoped maybe it would lull me back to sleep. I gave up at 8 and started to pack and take a look outside. The weather was the same as when I went to bed, dreary. People now walked under the safety of their umbrellas. Those without sort of jogged hurriedly along.

The night before, I’d gone to a local grocery and bought scones and clotted cream. It’s just not a London trip without scones and clotted cream. I’m quite happy they don’t have these delicacies in the states as I would have to eat them constantly. Oh, so creamy, and with a bit of strawberry jam…decadence to be sure!

I ate my breakfast and watched the news, taking note that the Brits seemed much attuned to the presidential elections in the US. Only two other news items garnered more attention; the economic conditions and a meeting about them taking place in Brussels, and the split of Guy Ritchie from Madonna.

When the time finally came to head downstairs, I began feeling quite tired and relished the thought of a nap on the hour-long ride back to Heathrow Airport. But I knew that would be hard for me. I enjoy looking out the windows too much. I never sleep on the bus rides to and from the airport, even after the long 15-hour flight to Sydney. I don’t travel all that way to just sleep on the bus and not take in the local culture, of which there is a lot to take in on a journey to and from the airport.

A van arrived. I was on my own, as the other girl going back with me was at another hotel. The driver informed me the flight was an hour delayed. I was lucky that they allowed me to go back to my room. I got a 20 minute nap in, which did a world of good.

When I again attempted to depart my hotel I was happy to know there were 2 other flight attendants with me. The LHR airport is very confusing and my company’s offices were now in a new area. So I had absolutely no idea where to go once I arrived. To this day I still have none.

The LHR airport is like entering a twilight zone. It went something like this.

Because I had liquids over the allowed limit and England is one of the few places in the world where flight attendants can’t take them through security, I had to check one of my bags. Thank goodness the other girl I was with did so as well. Again, I had no idea where to go next.

We checked our bags at the front podium and went around the corner. It took a few tries for her to find the hidden door, go left and then down the ramp, go right, across the hall, down a corridor, up a ramp, pass another security check point. Then take a right, go down a bit and a left. We entered a room now for security screening. Put the bags on the conveyer, pass the magnometer, turn right, then left, down a hall and through some doors. Never were there windows or signs directing us where to go. God pity those who know not the way!

We were now in a huge terminal full of shops and seats and tons of people. We now had to go from one end of this large room to the other. I was hungry, but not a one of these shops sold food. Had I wanted cologne, tobacco, alcohol, sunglasses, watches or chocolate, I would have been in paradise. I wanted a hamburger. There must be a separate maze to take one to the food.

Turn right, down another hall, take a moving sidewalk, then another, another left and here, on the left, were our offices. Not knowing the code to get in we knocked. I looked through the window and the woman behind the desk about 10 yards back held up a sign with large red numbers. It was the code to get in the door. I was glad no one was behind us to now know the code. I punched it in and our journey through London’s Heathrow twilight zone Airport was done.

If you offered me $10,000 to do it again on my own, I don’t know that I could.

The London based crew I was about to fly home with were more senior and older than the crew I had flown in with 2 days before (by senior, I mean company seniority). But they were nice and the new purser led a thorough briefing. After the briefing, I mentioned that I’d not eaten since 8am and was hungry. The flight was now an additional hour behind. It was almost 6. We were told there was a sandwich shop at the gate. I went with Denise, who flew in with me and who had joined the last of our happy hour the night before.

The walk to the gate was short. We showed our ID to another security person and were allowed into the gate area. I finally settled on an egg sandwich for just over 2 pounds, or about $4. Denise told me it would need mayo, as she had that the last time she was in London. I asked the girl at the register for some mayo and was told, “Oh, we don’t do that here.” It was almost like I’d asked for a dance, the way she said it. No mayonnaise, no sandwich. I put it back.

In my hunger I now got upset with London. Silly little London, with their small cars and their driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road. It’s dreary, crowded, small, old; the airport is a cluster fuck, they pronounce their military as ‘millitree’, can’t pronounce aluminum correctly, put things in the boot of their car and now they don’t have mayo for a freakin’ egg sandwich! I have to check my bags because I carry water and more than 3 ounces of other various gels and liquids that the US allows me to carry. And when I arrive home I will have to wait 10 minutes for my bag to arrive with the other passenger’s.

I don’t like London layovers. It’s the reason why, in the past, when I’ve had the chance to pick up a trip going overseas, I’ll overlook these trips in hopes of one to Frankfurt or Japan or even Hawaii, which are considered international with our company.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Britain. I love the people and the country. As soon as I got on the plane, I grabbed a sandwich, meant for the mid-flight snack; we had empty seats, so it wouldn’t be a big deal. The flight went well, I enjoyed the crew and I slept well during my break. I do like London. It’s just not the easiest place to go, especially when one is cheap. OK, maybe not cheap, but thrifty.

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Stop Causing Trouble


Photo by Penguin Scott

OK people, stop getting on my flights and causing trouble. When you get on my flight and cause trouble, it just means I have to fill out paperwork. Paperwork is in triplicate and if you get on my flight and cause trouble when I’m not at my home base, I have to make a copy of my report and send it to the base where we landed just after you caused the trouble.

But before there is paperwork, there is calling the captain to advise him that you are causing trouble. After we land I have to describe the trouble you caused to a police officer and a supervisor. Sometimes the two of them are not together when one or the other asks me to describe the trouble you caused on my flight. This means I have to repeat myself- and I hate repeating myself.

After I’ve described the trouble you caused to the police and local supervisor, (who then relay the trouble you caused to the FBI) chances are, the other flight attendants then also want to hear my version of the trouble you caused on our flight.

Really, all I want to do is serve you a drink. If there is food to serve, I’d love to do that for you, too. If you have questions about planes, airports, air traffic control, my job or penguins, and I’m not too busy serving other passengers, I’d also love to answer anything I can. But when you come onto my flight and start causing trouble, I get upset.

On my flight to Denver, after we’d gone through the cabin preparing for landing, my flying partner comes up to me in the first class galley and tells me a passenger just grabbed her and was causing trouble when asked to stow her belongings for landing. My flying partner grabbed my arm to show me what it was like. It hurt. I told her to let go and wanted to hit her back. I asked if I needed to go talk to her and was told yes, I did. Since I was the purser, or the head flight attendant on this trip, I was obligated.

I was told she had alcohol on her breath, although when I got to her seat, I couldn’t tell. The woman in 12C was a nicely-dressed woman in her 50s. Her outfit indicated that she had taste. Her jewelry indicated she was not hurting in our troubled economy- after all, she had my annual salary on her right hand alone.

I asked her a few question and she seemed a bit sluggish in answering; not that she slurred her speech, but it took a moment for her to process my questions and come up with an answer. She indicated that my flying partner had been badgering her. The couple seated next to her looked over to me as if to say, “Nuh-uh!” I told her that it seemed unlikely that the person in question had been badgering her, being that she had been working in first class with me, and spent very little time, if any, in economy.

She told me she lives in three different homes and flies my airline often, commuting from one to the another. She said this was the worst treatment she has ever had. I thanked her for her continued business but let her know that someone would need to speak to her when we landed. “Oh, I can’t wait when we land, my husband is meeting me and I have another flight to catch.” “Well, unfortunately, a chain of events has already been triggered, so you will be detained a bit when we land,” I shot back. And if this was the worst treatment she’s ever had at our airline, she is lucky to have been treated so well for so long!

At this point, a glance out the window showed that the ground was ever so close. I excused myself to return to the first class galley so I could finish putting things away and then took my jump seat for landing.

Sure enough, upon landing, we found four police officers and two supervisors waiting. The lady stayed in her seat during deplaning, while my flying partner first spoke to the authorities, then it was my turn. By the time I’d finished, the last passenger stepped off the plane and a young officer went to her seat to speak to her.

Our flight was delayed and we had arrived a little late, so they took her off the plane. Another supervisor asked if we were OK to continue flying, like maybe we were too phased to continue the trip. Yes, we were just fine. Could we now board the plane? Yes, let’s please, since we were now 30 minutes behind schedule and we had to first stop in Chicago before eventually arriving in Philadelphia for our layover.

She had to go and cause trouble. Now I have to go and write up my report. In triplicate!