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My Favorite Things: Suck, Squeeze, Bang and Blow

A good look inside an engine

One of my earliest childhood memories is flying to see my grandparents all by myself. I probably started flying by myself as early as 5, if not earlier. In the early 70s, it wasn’t a big deal. Mom could walk me onto the plane, meet the lovely flight attendant, comfort me, give me a kiss, and be on her way.

I was terribly interested in the goings on outside my window. I loved to watch the movement on the ground by the workers and the neat-looking vehicles…moving belts, scissor lift trucks, train carts full of colorful baggage. And, oh, how I loved watching the airplanes. The bright Braniff colors, the proud Texas International, the long, looking Muse Air planes, the silvery American Airlines. But my favorite part of flying was the take off.
I loved feeling the power of the engines as they roared to life and sent the plane soaring down the runway. I loved how the nose lifted up and the ground shrank and suddenly it was like I could see as far away as Christmas, itself!

I think I can see Christmas!

Today, I still love taking off, and for many of the same reasons. A pilot once described an engine thusly: intake, compression, combustion, and exhaust. This is most easily remembered as “suck, squeeze, bang, blow”. Air is sucked in, squeezed, ignited and blown out the back to give thrust. Let’s face it, aviation is just sexy!
One of the best takeoffs I enjoy is from Orange County, California. Due to noise restrictions, the plane sits at the end of the runway with the brakes on. They power up the engines and then release the brakes, sending us like a bullet from a gun. Once in the air, we power down as we travel over the residences that invoked the noise ordinance and not until we are out over the water do we power up again to continue our climb. It’s invigorating and really lets you know you are flying and at the hands of very capable pilots.
Under the wing of a 737

There is one aspect of takeoff saved for only a flight attendant. It’s on the 757 at the door 2Left jumpseat. When seated in this aft-facing seat and looking at the rear of the aircraft, I get a peripheral view of the landscape zipping past the window to my right. While looking at the rear of the aircraft, and seeing the back of the plane bouncing up and down. When the nose lifts up, it almost looks as if the tail of the long aircraft is sinking down further than the ground. It’s like the tail is going to hit the runway and dig a trench. It’s an optical illusion that I always enjoy!

I’d love to write about an aborted takeoff. They can be scary as the plane suddenly comes to an abrupt stop in seconds after reaching speeds in excess of over one hundred miles an hour. There is a point at which the aircraft is dedicated to taking off, no matter what happens. In my career, I’ve experienced numerous aborted landings, where the airplane suddenly powers back up and climbs on approach; usually due to other aircraft still on the runway. I’ve never experienced an aborted takeoff.
The power, the surge, the sound of the engines, the airplane coming to life and fulfilling it’s intent…to fly in the heavens. Takeoffs; ascensions into the skies, the powerful engines thrusting a metal bird to alight from the ground. It’s my favorite!

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Adventures in Flight: The Blue Room

Fifteen years ago I became a flight attendant and began a new career in the skies of the world. I have always loved flying and have had a fascination with aviation since I was a small boy. My eyes always turn upwards when I hear the roar of a jet airplane overhead. The thrill I felt was obvious and in those early days of internet, I would write my friends and family about my new adventures flying hither and yon around the world, so blue.
At one point, I asked if anyone had any questions for the new flight attendant in their life. I always interrogated pilots I met about how things worked and what their work life was like. I just assume everyone is as excited about flying as I am. I think I had only one question, from a very good friend of mine who had recently moved to Chicago. She asked me about the lavatory.
Also known as the blue room, a reference to the royal blue color of the water that flushes the toilet, the lav is a unique place on an airplane. It’s only a step above a porta-potty and I try to avoid using it as the oval office at any cost- only in emergencies. Many flight attendants carry their own air freshener to combat the assortment of odors that emanate from within one. And here is a tip for those times you just have to have a seat: use the seat covers to line the bowl to prevent anything untoward (poo) from sticking and not washing down. There’s nothing worse than going in and finding claw marks from the person ahead of you.
My friend, Sue, wanted to know when flight attendants used the lavatory, as she apparently had never seen one do so. Silly girl. When we receive our wings, we become gods. Using the lavatory is no longer a necessity. I wish! I do refer to those who don’t have a career in the skies as mortals, but we certainly do use the lavatory on airplanes. Elsewhere, too.
It’s funny, but to this day, some 15 years later, I still think of this question whenever I slip into one. The things our mind holds onto. (Don’t tell her I think of her every time I’m in there!)
After takeoff
The short answer is that we get up out of our jump seats before the seat belt sign is turned off. One of the reasons, besides getting ready for the service, is to jump in the lavs before the line forms, going up the cramped aisle. Some of the women also need to change their shoes; off with the heels and on with the work flats. Some of us wear smocks. So this is the time, when the mortals are still required to remain seated, for us to get in there and get situated before we get inundated with the passengers. It’s why you may hear a stern warning if you’re up before the sign goes off, “Um, hello, the seat belt sign is on, see the little seat belt symbol all illuminated? Yes, so turn around and go back to your seat and wait for us to use it first!” 
The same goes for landing. The seat belt sign comes on for several reasons. Yes, as we pass through cloud layers into in the arrival city to which is our destination, we tend to encounter more turbulence. But we also need to have access to the aisles to conduct our safety checks, run paperwork to the purser in first class, and have a moment to use the lavs once more before landing. No one wants to encounter the rare emergency landing with a full bladder! Imagine the horror of being on the nightly news after having evacuated an aircraft with a huge wet stain on your pants.
“Yes, Steve, as you can see, we have another case of fearless flight attendants who were just doing their job, evacuating everyone safely, with no injuries to report. Here is one such brave flight attendant, who seems have to wet herself in the process. Well, back to you in the studio.”
Approach into EWR
So do as your parents taught you, use that time before the boarding process begins, and use the rest room before you board the aircraft and give us a chance to do our thing before you have to do yours. And be careful about you ask a flight attendant. You may ruin a good memory of yourself! (Just kidding, Sue!)

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Passenger of the Day: I’ll Have the Diet Weapon

A friend of mine recently forwarded to me a story and asked my opinion. You may have heard about it. A Muslim chaplain and the director of interfaith engagement at Northwestern University claims she was subjected to racist comments after being denied an unopened can of soda by a flight attendant who said she feared she might use it as a weapon.
FA Penguin holding a Bro can of Coke

The passenger claims that after being handed a can that had already been opened that she asked for one still sealed, due to sanitary reasons. The flight attendant refused, citing company policy. The man next to her ordered a beer, which was delivered unopened. When the cleric asked why he got a sealed can and she didn’t, she claims she was told because crew was not allowed to hand out an item that could be used as a weapon.

A further protest claiming discrimination prompted the flight attendant to retrieve the can of beer from the man, opened it, and then returned it to the bewildered gentleman. She then huffed to the cleric, and moved to the next row.
The cleric then asked the man seated across from her if he had seen what just happened. Not only did he see it, but he agreed with it, supposedly saying something to the effect of, ‘you Muslim, you need to shut the ‘eff’ up.’ He then leaned over from his seat, and said, ‘yes you know you would use it as a weapon, so shut the eff up.’
First of all, I thought I may have flown with this flight attendant. I was shocked one day while working the beverage cart, when a passenger asked for a can of sparkling water unopened and the woman I was working with refused. I later told my flying partner that I was disappointed she didn’t give out the can, saying that if a passenger is going to spend a few hundred dollars on a flight on our airline, the least we could do is give a can of soda. After all, there is no company policy against doing so.

Second, my initial response to the story was that the man across the aisle needs to be taken out back and shot. Maybe not killed, shot, but shot in the knee or something equally as horrid as what he supposedly said to that passenger. I have a weak spot for such bigotry.

Third, that passenger needs to get over it; being given an unopened can of soda simply for sanitary reasons? Had she claimed she was Kosher, that might be different. Or just admit that you want a can to take with you. I’m more than happy to oblige, but let’s not make up stories or just be ridiculous.

What does Penguin think?

Fourth, as far as using a can as a weapon, sure, yes, it’s one of the things we have at our disposal at 35 thousand feet, but let’s face it, passengers can bring on cans of their own, knitting needles, skate boards, and grandma’s 13 year old fruit cake to use as a weapon. They don’t need to wait for us to give out a can of freaking soda to get their hands on a weapon. This flight attendant needs to chill the freak out! That’s what I think.

The story has been making the rounds on social media and I’m not so certain of its authenticity. I later found out that this was not on the major airline for which it was originally reported to be, but one of the express jet airlines who operates their own company using the major airline’s name. That was a relief for me. Other than the woman I hope I educated about the unopened can, I’d hate to think of flying partners on main line airlines being this dim.
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Adventures in Flight: Rite of Aviation

Photo of Delta Crew


A flight attendant has her photo taken in the cowling of an airliner engine. It’s something that’s been done thousands of times. Even before engines had cowlings for us to climb into, sexy young flight attendants had photos taken sitting on the front of a propeller. It’s a rite of aviation, something flight and ground crews do for the unique privilege of having access to doing so.

But in the case of this young flight attendant, a passenger witnessed her being photographed before boarding a flight. Then lo and behold, the woman being photographed was one of the flight attendants working her flight. The passenger obtained her name, found her on social media and then went to her local news team, who ate it up, and spat out a story about the photos; questioning its safety and necessity. They released the full name of the flight attendant, surely without permission, but never mentioned the tattle tale passenger.

When the news hit social media, saying she could lose her job, I caught wind of it right away. I immediately found the photo I had of myself in an engine and sent it to the newscaster’s social media page. I then suggested to the flight attendant community that we all do so, and before I knew it, a movement had started. Hundreds of flight attendants world wide sent in photos and scathing letters.

Penguin and a 737 Engine

A few nights later, perhaps under pressure, the newscaster aired a second story. At first, I thought he was going to redeem himself with a new story about how this was really nothing. He explained the support from around the world, showed numerous photos of similar nature, including the one I sent him, and even included a few soundbites from our union president. Things were looking good, and it was exciting, knowing my photo was on the news.


But then he went and interviewed passengers to drum up support for his original story, which seemed to be that something dangerous went on here. He interviewed passengers? Passengers can be quite unknowing about the goings on of things aeronautical. They are often scared of bumps and aircraft noises, leery of crew and suspicious of other travelers. After all, look at how this whole mess started…a paranoid passenger who witnessed something that has happened thousands and thousands of times, and freaking out about it to the news media! Hello!
Flight crews in support of Ericka


One thing every photo you may have seen of crew members in engines is this…someone has taken the photo. Usually a pilot or mechanic, or other crew with pilots and or mechanics present. We don’t go around jumping up into engines all willy-nilly and risking the safety of the very conveyance that will be taking us to our destination. We are a trained group of professionals. We are the first line of defense on board aircraft. We are screened and trained and overseen. We are flight attendants.


Better news stories might include adequate crew rest, job outsourcing, feet dragging in negotiation of new work contracts, putting the customer experience before safety concerns, food storage procedures or the obscene salaries of those at the top. But no, we went with an aviation rite misunderstood by a passenger and a news team who failed to do a thorough investigation.

This was a nothing story about a special privilege enjoyed by countless personnel in a safe fashion. It’s a shame it was put under the bright light of confusion and scrutiny, but I’m proud of having had a hand in bringing some sanity back to the fore. So next time you’re at the airport and see flight crew posing for photos on the tarmac, it’s all right to be a bit jealous…we’ve worked hard to earn the privilege of being in these photos. It’s not all right to go whining to a TV station and earning the scourge of group of airline professionals.
Airbus engine