My Favorite Things: Coming ‘Write’ Up

A United Airlines 737 in snowy Chicago

There are so many components that go into a flight and there are many chances for things to go wonky. Between catering, passenger issues, weather, medical events, and mechanical issues, it’s nearly rare when nothing goes wrong.
There are many reports in aviation. Reports are vital for aircraft maintenance, so any time there is an issue on board that involves the mechanics, we must report them. We call them write ups and they can be for anything as minor as reporting that the carpet is coming loose at a seam or a reading light being out at one of the seats, to larger issues such as a jumpseat not working properly or an overhead bin won’t stay shut.
Recently, before closing the door to the aircraft, I noticed a wire loose, just sticking out and waving hello to me, from inside the frame. That didn’t look right to me, so I asked the captain to come take a look at it. Wires should be mounted at each end, not waving to flight crew!

No engine = a lot of reports!
In the end, it turned out to be a grounding wire. Nearly everything on an airplane is redundant (there are more than one, so if one system goes inoperative, it has a back up), and the same was true in this instance. Eventually, we were OK’d to take off and the issue was differed, meaning they would fix it at a later time. But it doesn’t end there. There’s always paperwork to fill out. A report in triplicate, rubber stamped, blessed and accompanied by a note from your mother. Many times something is a simple fix, but waiting for the paperwork to get completed by maintenance is the reason for a wait.
For flight attendants, we have reports for catering discrepancies, reports for using medical equipment, reports for FAA violations, or those who violate FAA regulations. We have reports for injuries, reports for extended delays and reports for safety issues. Thinking back, I’m shocked we didn’t have a class in initial training for report writing!
I’m good with reports. I enjoy writing and I’ve spent a number of years working in the field of security, including one year working with the Secret Service at the official residence of our 41st president of the United States. I’m pretty good with detail and keeping out emotions. Just the facts, ma’am. I’ve been told my reports are some of the best.
What’s funny is the common thinking amongst flight attendants about safety…“Please take your seat, the seat belt sign is on and I don’t want to do the paperwork if you get injured.” It’s true. But what’s really true is that nearly every trip has one report or another, and sometimes two or more. In fact, the very day after writing this story, I had a man pass out and require oxygen. He was able to walk off the flight on his own accord, and I had yet another report to fill out when I got home.
Fixing an oxygen mask compartment.

So working a trip and getting home and finding that I have no notes for any reports to fill out, doesn’t happen all the time. It’s nice that all of our reports are now done on line, so at least I can do them from the comfort of home. One of the best things about my job is that I can totally leave it behind once I leave the aircraft…save for a report or two. But when I have none, it sure is nice. It’s my favorite.

My Favorite Things: The Double Chime

An arrival in Lisbon

Whether it’s a great flight or one where, as I say, “I earned my money on that one!” there is no better sound than the double chime. Any flight attendant would agree. Ding…ding. At the end of the flight it means get in gear, the plane is now on final approach. If you’re working with a crew member as dry as a slice of fruit cake, it means in half an hour you most likely won’t fly with them again for a very long time. If you’re about to start vacation, it means that all though your brain has been on vacation for a week, your body is about to finally get in synch. If at the end of a trip assignment, it means that you’re home. After a long 4-day domestic trip, it’s simply the best sound in the universe.

The pilots engage the double chime when we descend to 10,000 feet. They do so by cycling the no smoking sign off and back on. Right after take off it tells us the cockpit is no longer sterile, a term that means we are not to disturb them. On approach it’s our signal to prepare for landing and that we can no longer bother the pilots with anything but safety related business.
At this point, we’ve picked up the trash and now we conduct our safety checks. No more pillows and blankets to hand out. No more water for your medicine. No more milk for your baby. It’s go time. Safety checks (seats forward, bags, tray tables, and head rest are stowed) and a jumpseat away from what we hope is a short taxi and then get off the plane…we want to go home!

Jet bridge controls

What is better is when the double chime sounds early. Flight crews, just like our wonderful passengers, love arriving early. I once had a layover in Hawaii and arrived an hour early, which was splendid. On a horrid, short layover in a worn-out airport hotel, an early arrival means just that much more rest before going at it the next day. And when home, I love it when I reach my car and look at my watch and think, ‘gee, had we been on time, I’d just now be touching down, yet here I am, in my Peng-UV, about join the masses on my commute home’. (Yes, I call my SUV a Peng-UV. Why not?)
There can be a down side to an early arrival, and don’t even mention it, for it is likely to happen. The dreaded ‘gate-is-occupied’. That’s the worst…arriving early and having to sit on the plane…on the ground…even longer after a long flight. But when the gate is free, and we’re early, that’s a good day.
Waiting for the jet bridge

Another bad thing is having a gate, arriving to it, the engines shut down and the passengers are right behind me, waiting for the door to be opened, but there is no gate agent to bring the jet bridge up. “I guess they weren’t expecting us this early,” I’ll say to those just behind me.

And it’s funny when we are due in early, the captain has stated as much on his several announcements, but a passenger will stop me to ask about a tight connection. I’ll look at their ticket and see that they had 50 minutes when we were to be on time. “No worries, ma’am, we’re due in 20 minutes early.”
You may notice often, flight crew standing in the galley at the end of the flight after the seat belt sign is on. We may be talking about our weekend or our next trip. We may be talking about the strange dude in 22A. We may be talking about the overly talkative pilots. But when you hear the double chime, you’ll see us smile and maybe do a little dance. The double chime. It’s my favorite!

Adventures in Flight: So What is it that you…do do?

Everyone, it seems, can relate to the airline industry. Everyone has airline stories- good and bad- and seems to love sharing them, regardless of who might listen. Most times, I’m happy to talk shop with others, that’s what having Airline Disease is all about. But there are times when I enjoy one of the more popular perks of being a flight attendant- not taking the job home.

You may have flown next to a flight attendant and not realized it. We are keen to changing out of uniform any time we can and many flight attendants are even known to hide bag tags that can give them away. I know when I get a first class seat, I want to fit in and just be a customer; able to enjoy the privilege of flying in first without being looked down upon as just an employee by someone who paid thousands of dollars to sit next to me (I know, I’m worth it!).
Many flight attendants keep an assortment of stories at the ready for the question, “What is it that you do for a living?,” but are just not in the mood to hear horror stories or to be asked a ton of questions. Imagine a long day flying across timezones, dealing with screaming, unruly kids, attention-needy business passengers and the companion animal who tried to bite you every time you walked past. You get to your layover hotel, starving and in need of an adult beverage. You plop your bags down, shower the day’s scum from your body, dress in humane clothes made of natural fibers and find your way to the hotel bar. Ah, human time, at last. Then the person next to you, already on their 4th beer asks what you do for a living.
Some of the better skilled flight crew are quick to bring out one of an assortment of talk-killing jobs; “I’m here for a plumbing convention,” or “I’m an accountant for a bakery that specializes in fruit cakes,” or, “Oh, I’m just a process server, still looking for my piggie. So, what’s your name?” Yes, the faces are often priceless and it squeezes the life out of the desire to get to know you. “I’ll have the flat-bread pizza and keep the ‘Ritas flowing, Barkeep!” Peace at last!
One of the riskiest things about this job is being in a metal tube with germ-carrying folk who love to share them. I’m always afraid my doctor is going to think I’m a hypochondriac, but fortunately, the tests are always coming up positive for this and that. In the past year, I’ve had Type-A influenza, numerous colds and now, strep throat twice! So off to the doctor I go. It was a slow Saturday at the clinic, (my regular doctor’s office was closed) so I got to see every staff member in attendance, you know, to justify the numbers. Check-in lady needs this filled out and a copy of my ID. Nurse 1 takes my temp and vitals. Nurse 2 takes my history. The doctor comes in and this is where it all falls apart.
After asking if anyone in my household is ill, he asks what I do for a living. I tell him, and am next asked for which airline. With the straightest of face he then has the balls to ask me if I could get him a discount ticket. Really? I didn’t think I had a fever, surely I’m hallucinating. “I can buy you a drink,” I shoot back, dryly.
Doctor Nuts goes into a few minutes of wondering why ticket prices don’t go down when gas prices do and how you buy a ticket thinking you have a great deal, but then find that you have to pay for this and that and if the bag is over 40 pounds you pay another $5 per pound and suddenly I am not listening to him any longer, but begin looking at the art selected for the walls of the exam room and wondering why it is that I can’t get my photos in a place like this. If I didn’t look sick before, my face was contorted in pain now from hearing him drone on and on and he picked up the pace, perhaps afraid I was about to pass out.
He finishes his portion of the visit and nurse 1 returns. She must have spoken to Dr. Nuts about me and wants to know if I know her sister, who also flies for my airline. Of course, I don’t, and I just want my shot and prescription so I can go back to my little cave I’ve made in my bed at home. A typical guy, I don’t do ‘ill’ very well.
I’m asked to see the receptionist to handle the last of my paperwork and she, too, had a bad flight she just had to share. I’ve heard the stories, and I drown her out as I listen to a woman in the waiting area who in the next 4 minutes would say the word, “like” at least 30 times. “It was, like, the best thing I had like, ever seen. And he was all like, I told you. Like, didn’t you hear me say that before? But I was like, well, you like, say that stuff all the time, and like, I just sort of like, ignore it…” Were there a gun within reach I’m not sure if I’d have shot her, or like, maybe myself!

Feeling bad is bad. Feeling good is where it’s at. Feeling bad and having to hear someone’s negative stories about your career is worse. Maybe for this doctor’s visit, I should have said I collect deceased animals for the city. No one likes to talk about road kill, or if they do, that might be one interesting conversation.  

Passenger of the Day: I’ll Have the Diet Weapon

A friend of mine recently forwarded to me a story and asked my opinion. You may have heard about it. A Muslim chaplain and the director of interfaith engagement at Northwestern University claims she was subjected to racist comments after being denied an unopened can of soda by a flight attendant who said she feared she might use it as a weapon.
FA Penguin holding a Bro can of Coke

The passenger claims that after being handed a can that had already been opened that she asked for one still sealed, due to sanitary reasons. The flight attendant refused, citing company policy. The man next to her ordered a beer, which was delivered unopened. When the cleric asked why he got a sealed can and she didn’t, she claims she was told because crew was not allowed to hand out an item that could be used as a weapon.

A further protest claiming discrimination prompted the flight attendant to retrieve the can of beer from the man, opened it, and then returned it to the bewildered gentleman. She then huffed to the cleric, and moved to the next row.
The cleric then asked the man seated across from her if he had seen what just happened. Not only did he see it, but he agreed with it, supposedly saying something to the effect of, ‘you Muslim, you need to shut the ‘eff’ up.’ He then leaned over from his seat, and said, ‘yes you know you would use it as a weapon, so shut the eff up.’
First of all, I thought I may have flown with this flight attendant. I was shocked one day while working the beverage cart, when a passenger asked for a can of sparkling water unopened and the woman I was working with refused. I later told my flying partner that I was disappointed she didn’t give out the can, saying that if a passenger is going to spend a few hundred dollars on a flight on our airline, the least we could do is give a can of soda. After all, there is no company policy against doing so.

Second, my initial response to the story was that the man across the aisle needs to be taken out back and shot. Maybe not killed, shot, but shot in the knee or something equally as horrid as what he supposedly said to that passenger. I have a weak spot for such bigotry.

Third, that passenger needs to get over it; being given an unopened can of soda simply for sanitary reasons? Had she claimed she was Kosher, that might be different. Or just admit that you want a can to take with you. I’m more than happy to oblige, but let’s not make up stories or just be ridiculous.

What does Penguin think?

Fourth, as far as using a can as a weapon, sure, yes, it’s one of the things we have at our disposal at 35 thousand feet, but let’s face it, passengers can bring on cans of their own, knitting needles, skate boards, and grandma’s 13 year old fruit cake to use as a weapon. They don’t need to wait for us to give out a can of freaking soda to get their hands on a weapon. This flight attendant needs to chill the freak out! That’s what I think.

The story has been making the rounds on social media and I’m not so certain of its authenticity. I later found out that this was not on the major airline for which it was originally reported to be, but one of the express jet airlines who operates their own company using the major airline’s name. That was a relief for me. Other than the woman I hope I educated about the unopened can, I’d hate to think of flying partners on main line airlines being this dim.

Adventures in Flight: Rite of Aviation

Photo of Delta Crew


A flight attendant has her photo taken in the cowling of an airliner engine. It’s something that’s been done thousands of times. Even before engines had cowlings for us to climb into, sexy young flight attendants had photos taken sitting on the front of a propeller. It’s a rite of aviation, something flight and ground crews do for the unique privilege of having access to doing so.

But in the case of this young flight attendant, a passenger witnessed her being photographed before boarding a flight. Then lo and behold, the woman being photographed was one of the flight attendants working her flight. The passenger obtained her name, found her on social media and then went to her local news team, who ate it up, and spat out a story about the photos; questioning its safety and necessity. They released the full name of the flight attendant, surely without permission, but never mentioned the tattle tale passenger.

When the news hit social media, saying she could lose her job, I caught wind of it right away. I immediately found the photo I had of myself in an engine and sent it to the newscaster’s social media page. I then suggested to the flight attendant community that we all do so, and before I knew it, a movement had started. Hundreds of flight attendants world wide sent in photos and scathing letters.

Penguin and a 737 Engine

A few nights later, perhaps under pressure, the newscaster aired a second story. At first, I thought he was going to redeem himself with a new story about how this was really nothing. He explained the support from around the world, showed numerous photos of similar nature, including the one I sent him, and even included a few soundbites from our union president. Things were looking good, and it was exciting, knowing my photo was on the news.


But then he went and interviewed passengers to drum up support for his original story, which seemed to be that something dangerous went on here. He interviewed passengers? Passengers can be quite unknowing about the goings on of things aeronautical. They are often scared of bumps and aircraft noises, leery of crew and suspicious of other travelers. After all, look at how this whole mess started…a paranoid passenger who witnessed something that has happened thousands and thousands of times, and freaking out about it to the news media! Hello!
Flight crews in support of Ericka


One thing every photo you may have seen of crew members in engines is this…someone has taken the photo. Usually a pilot or mechanic, or other crew with pilots and or mechanics present. We don’t go around jumping up into engines all willy-nilly and risking the safety of the very conveyance that will be taking us to our destination. We are a trained group of professionals. We are the first line of defense on board aircraft. We are screened and trained and overseen. We are flight attendants.


Better news stories might include adequate crew rest, job outsourcing, feet dragging in negotiation of new work contracts, putting the customer experience before safety concerns, food storage procedures or the obscene salaries of those at the top. But no, we went with an aviation rite misunderstood by a passenger and a news team who failed to do a thorough investigation.

This was a nothing story about a special privilege enjoyed by countless personnel in a safe fashion. It’s a shame it was put under the bright light of confusion and scrutiny, but I’m proud of having had a hand in bringing some sanity back to the fore. So next time you’re at the airport and see flight crew posing for photos on the tarmac, it’s all right to be a bit jealous…we’ve worked hard to earn the privilege of being in these photos. It’s not all right to go whining to a TV station and earning the scourge of group of airline professionals.
Airbus engine

ABOUT THIS BLOGSPOT

Back in the early nineties I had an injury that kept me from full time work for two years. During that time I kept telling myself that I wanted to start writing a book. I had a basic topic, short story horror, and even a few story ideas. But I was young and foolish and wasted my time watching the Munsters and partying with my roommate and his buddies.

When I started working again I wished I hadn’t wasted so much time. I spent the next ten years thinking about writing, coming up with new stories to tell, developing characters and plots. But I was working too hard to have the energy or patience to sit down and write.

Then I got a job with a lot of time off. “Finally, I can start to write,” I thought. And I did. However, I had new fodder to write about now. Oh, I fully intended to start writing my fiction, but my life was so much fun now. You see, I had gotten a job as a flight attendant. It wasn’t what I set out to do, but the job had fallen in my lap, and I was looking to travel anyway. So I thought, “Why not?”

I was coming back from trips all over the world and telling my family and friends about it. They kept asking for more. My uncle in New Jersey, told me that I should keep a good journal of my travels, something to look back on or share with my children. But I thought, well, if I’m going to write about all this, why not do so to share with the world. And my non-fiction was born.

I started writing this book two years ago. It shouldn’t be taking me this long but I just finished editing my 23 chapters (299 pages as of this post) and I’m now ready to share it with publishers. It’s been a blast writing it and has been the single biggest project I’ve ever taken on. I’ve had jobs last shorter than the time I’ve spent on this.

I really hope you like it. Please let me know at brogott101@aol.com. I often wonder if what I am writing is really interesting enough for people to want to read it. Is it easy to follow along? Am I writing at a comfortable reading level for the audience? Am I wasting my time?

I’m only including bits from ten of the chapters. They don’t tell the whole story, but hopefully they show my fledgeling writing abilities. Hopefully those abilities are good enough for a publisher to share in my dream of showing the world what my life has been like for just over a year of it. Hopefully you will read these posts and yearn to read more, champion my getting the book published, and rushing out to buy it, along with your friends and family.

So on to the book, I’ll start with part of chapter one. I hope you enjoy it.

CHAPTER 1 DEATH OF A HARLEY MAN

All good books start at the begining. While the begining of this chapter in my life started as a passion borne into the young ideals of a child, the actual story began with a job interview that took me to Chicago. It was a trial, not just an interview. It was the sort of event that I wrote about, long before I ever thought of turning my writing into a book. While I’m not going to post the part about the interview here, I thought I’d start my posts by giving you a history lesson of the beginnings of my passion.

The end of a long day had finally arrived. I was glad. I was tired. One of my employees had been working a little late and had just said good night before slipping out the back door, leaving me alone in the building. The distraction from what I had been working on was a welcome one. My desk was a mess, full of advertising material and files of work, financial statements and reports. I sat for a moment looking over it all and then swiveled my chair to face the back wall, where a model of a Boeing 737 sat on a bookshelf. It seemed out of place amongst the binders and books. But I loved to look at it.

I studied the plane and its lines, making it so aerodynamic. I looked at the miniature windows of the cockpit and could envision the white-shirted captain sitting in his seat flying it. I smiled and felt calm. I had just come off a plane the previous day, ending a three-day travel ordeal that was all still very fresh in my mind.

Needing a break, I rose from my chair and walked out of my office and onto the showroom floor. The smell of rubber mixed with gasoline and leather. The room was dark except for a few florescent safety lights that stayed on all the time. The sun had long set and through the front windows I could see a few cars go by, creating a show of white and red lights. I looked around at the motorcycles parked side by side on the slick floors. I glanced over the walls with mirrors and signs advertising Harley Credit services. To my right was the women’s MotorClothes section, to my left, the men’s. Racks of tee shirts and jeans sat full of merchandise, some of which I had personally ordered from various vendors. On the walls hung leather jackets, vests and pants. I walked back towards the office but turned left and walked to the lower half of the store.

I thought about how I had helped tear down the wall that once stood where this step was. I took a step down to the other half of the showroom and remembered the people who had tripped on that step, not realizing that it was there. That was the winter of early 1996 and we’d just opened the new store. People were not yet used to the high walls loaded with shiny merchandise, like motorcycle parts and specially painted fenders and tanks, and were distracted from watching where they were walking. It always gave me a chuckle and no one was ever really hurt. But we finally had to put in a ramp and block off the hazard with boxes of motorcycle oil and racks of clothing.

Along the front of this section was the lounge with windows that looked out onto the parking area and the street. The lounge was where customers could congregate and where the employees took breaks. It was home to the vending machines, a few tables, customer photos and a small kitchenette. When walking from the lounge towards the rear of the store, one passes the display area and then reaches the parts counter. Behind the parts counter wall is the large parts storage area with rows of shelving and a loft above for large parts storage. The walls around the display area were covered with motorcycle parts and high up, out of reach, were more fenders and gas tanks for sale. Neon lighted signs helped customers locate the parts department as they would walk into the front door. They illuminated the area in a strange red glow at night.

I now stood in this display area, with the lounge to my left and the parts counter to my right. I looked at the motorcycle accessories and the collectibles displayed neatly in cases and on the display racks. I stood there looking at everything in the darkness, taking it all in, thinking back on how I had made much of this happen.

This place had become my home and all that I had known for the past five years. I was the general manager of this Harley-Davidson dealership. I had moved here with my father in the late summer of 1995 to help him run this business. I had spent more hours in this store than I had spent at home. I had hired over 95% of the people who worked there. Over the years, I had fired many as well. Much of the inventory was either ordered by me or was signed off by me. It was my advertising and marketing skills that attracted people to shop here and it was my signature on the checks that paid our staff. The hours were long but the pay was good and I was enriched by the personal growth I had experienced over the years.

But I was starting to say goodbye to it all. Most nights I could be found there long after closing, working on marketing ideas or sales events, writing articles for our newsletter or working on reports for headquarters. Now I would often stand in the dimly lit store at night to look over it all, like an artist saying goodbye to his art before it was to be hung on someone’s living room wall.

Travel was in my blood and it was affecting me more and more. The business had switched hands in 1999. My father returned to Texas, but I stayed on to continue to run things. The new owner was mostly absentee, so my business trips almost dried up completely, and I could take it no longer. I had given notice and was searching for a new job. One that would take me all over the world. And it wasn’t until I had gotten home from that long, hard trip, just the night before, when I realized I had found that job. I chuckled to myself as I began to think about how it all started for me; this passion for flying.

I was a small boy, maybe five years old. At that age I spent a lot of time with my grandparents in Borger, a small town supporting a Phillips Petroleum refinery in the Texas panhandle. My grandfather was a company man who would eventually retire from the position of Pipeline Superintendent. Borger was often a smelly place due to the oil refinery at the north edge of town. Coming from Houston, which was so much larger and aroma-free, I always called it “Little Stinky Borger.” My grandmother said the smell was that of money. When we would pass a Phillips gas station, she would tell us to bow our heads. “That’s our bread and butter!” she would say. So she would counter me by calling it “Bigger Better Borger.” It would be a running thing between us for many, many years. Still is today, all though she now lives in Houston.

My mother would take me to the airport for my trips to Borger and would be able to walk on the airplane with me. She would make sure that I had a seat by the window, buckle my seat belt and give me a kiss goodbye. There was always a nice lady behind her smiling. I would look at the wings on her uniform and smile back. The lady would make sure my mom got off the plane before the door would close. I don’t ever remember being upset or scared and I would spend the next ninety minutes looking out the window. I loved to see the other planes, feel the speed as we took off down the runway, and watch the ground drop below until the clouds took their place.

Itsy, (that’s what I call my grandmother), tells a story of going to the airport in Amarillo to pick me up so many years ago. “And here you would come walking off that plane with that ugly, dumb rabbit under one arm…”

She was talking about Buns, my childhood security blanket. Buns was a scraggly green rabbit with long legs and ears. I took him everywhere I went, much to Itsy’s dismay, “But you took to flying on those planes back and forth like it was nothing. You always loved to fly.” Indeed, to me, it was just a normal thing, like getting in the car to go to school.

Years later, my father was living in Chicago with his third wife, Kitty. I would go to visit in the summer and in the evenings we would sit outside on the back patio when my father got home from work. He and Kitty would talk about their day and I would play with toys. They would drink gin and tonic and I would drink cherry flavored sugar water. The heat of the day was lowered to a cool breeze, which we enjoyed sitting in. Overhead flew the planes going to O’Hare International. I would always look up and watch them. Seeing this, my father would look up and name the type of plane, a 727, a DC10, a 747. I remember specifically, seeing the many bright colors of Braniff airplanes. I think they were my favorite.

When I was about nine, Dad and Kitty left Chicago and moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico. They had a place high in the city, near the base of Sandia Mountain. In the back yard my father had built an elaborate vegetable garden with railroad ties to keep in the dirt. At the top, and in the corner of the yard, he built a fort for me to play in on my summer visits. It was two levels high, the top being open with a railing for safety. He also fashioned a flagpole with a pulley so I could raise and lower a flag. From up there, one could see the whole city spread out below, towards the valley. But what caught my eye from up there was the airport. With binoculars I could see the terminal itself and the planes moving around on the tarmac. I would watch them fly overhead until I could see them touch down and taxi to their gate. Then I would watch others as they sped down the runway and lumbered into the air. I tried to watch them until I could no longer make them out in the huge sky.

As would most kids with a fort, I made a Jolly Roger flag for the flagpole, with black cotton for the flag, and white felt for the skull and crossbones. But I also made a second flag. This one was more simple, yet meaningful, with the letters G.A.L.O.P. My father came home from work and I showed him my new flag. When he asked what the letters meant, I told him, “Gibson Aviation Look-Out Point.” I don’t know who was more impressed with my ingenuity. I have no idea of what ever happened to that flag, but I’ve never forgotten it.

So my love for airplanes and for flying had been with me since some of my very first memories. Now I had grown used to making about twelve business trips a year with the Harley business, and then having that number dwindle to only a few. I had amassed a collection of civil airplane models, books and metal signs. And the collection grew as my passion did. I even made quick friends with several customers who were pilots. They would come into the store and I would hit them with all sorts of questions about things I saw at airports, parts of airplanes, how things worked. But I had never once thought seriously of trying to get into aviation for a living.

I left the dark showroom and returned to my desk to get on my computer. The past three days had been so amazing. I wanted to write about it so I would never forget the experience, and so my friends and family, both here in Annapolis, and back in Texas, could read about what I had just gone through.

I began to write an essay on how I had gotten my new job with a major airline. I had no idea that what I was about to write would start something that would occupy my free time for over two years and would eventually turn into this book.

CHAPTER 2 THE COMPOUND

Training was tough, long and not without stress. There was a lot to learn. Turns out I didn’t just learn how to be a flight attendant. I learned a lot about living in close proximity to others who I normally wouldn’t sit next to. Note, many names in this book have been changed to protect the innocent. Or at least me.

The rest of training was not free from stress. Part of that was due to being surrounded by some of the same people for six weeks. Many of us had not had to share a room with three other people since college. And that was a really long time ago for some of these folks. Things were still a little stressed in our room between Drew and the rest of us, even though I continued to put on a friendly front.

At the end of week four, one of my classmates, Terri, was having her birthday. A group of us decided to head downtown to celebrate with her. We found a few bars to enjoy; when one got boring we would move to another. By the end of the evening we had been to a few bars and were feeling quite comfortable. One of the girls in our group, Aura, had gone to the bar for another drink. Terri followed her and they wound up spending a lot of time at the bar, just the two of them.

When they came back to the table, it was clear that Aura had been crying. Someone else at the table asked what the problem was and she spilled it all.

“Last week in the mockup, Drew made a demeaning sexual comment to me and slapped my ass. He knows I am married and I didn’t do anything to provoke him.” Did she tell anyone about it? “No. He’s got a family. I’ve got a family. I don’t want this to get all blown out of proportion. But I made it quite clear to him that I didn’t appreciate his advances and that if it happened again, I would kick him in the nuts.”

Apparently, Aura was not the only one at the table to feel uncomfortable with my roommate. Others had overheard him making questionable comments and felt a bit uneasy around him. The conversation turned to him for a while but as all conversations do, eventually evolved into other things. I felt badly for Aura but really thought nothing else about it. The night moved on and we eventually made our way back to the compound. My roommates were already asleep when I got back.

The next morning I went down for breakfast in the cafeteria. The room was almost empty but there were a few of my classmates sitting at one table with Drew. I started to pass them by for a table with more room, but was beckoned to join them. I hesitated, but sat down reluctantly, giving into peer pressure. I never did feel much better about Drew since that first impression, and now I felt even more distanced from him.

As soon as I sat down, I realized that everyone was leaning in towards Drew and that his eyes were red. In an instant I knew what was happening. And it would drag the entire class into an abyss for the remainder of our time at the training center.

“Aura is going around telling people that I sexually harassed her and it’s all a lie,” he said. I acted somewhat surprised. I actually was. First of all, I knew she was not going around making that false accusation. Aura was a very attractive woman. Her complexion was flawless, and her body was in perfect condition. She did not need the attention and it was quite clear to us the night before that she had dealt with it and only wanted it to go away. The only reason we knew about it was that we practically drug it out of her at the bar. And she certainly wasn’t lying.

I searched the faces at the table. There was one who was at that bar last night and I knew it was her who told him about it. I’m not going to mention names. I never have to anyone I confided in while I was in training. At this point it’s all water under the bridge and I don’t need any aggravation to come back and haunt me from training.

Drew stewed about it some more and I finally admitted that the subject had come up the night before, but I didn’t believe it was her telling people. He got up and stormed away exclaiming he was going to find her and talk to her right now.

It does nothing but get messier from here. Word got to the supervisor on duty who called the two of them up to the office. They each gave their side of the story and then were told that more would be done on Monday by our supervisor. In the meantime, neither of them was to discuss it with anyone else. I only know all of this because the first thing Drew did was to come to our room and tell me everything that happened in the supervisor’s office. The funny thing was that when he told me her side of the story, as she told it to him, it matched exactly what she had told me at the table in the bar.

What he did next would seal our fate as roommates. He asked if I was near them when the incident occurred in the mock up. I was not. I was in the other mock up on the other side of the room.

“If you get called up tomorrow and questioned, I want you to tell them that you were there and that you never saw it happen. Tell them I wasn’t even seated near her,” he told me.

I was floored. “I can’t do that, Drew. I’m not going to do that and I won’t be brought in the middle of this.” I lied. After he left the room I knocked on Aura’s door and told her what had just happened and that if I got called upstairs, I would let them know as well. This situation was getting serious and I was not going to let Drew manipulate the situation to his favor for something I felt he was, indeed, guilty of.

Drew spent the rest of that day going around telling everyone about what happened and by the time class resumed on Monday, I felt as if half of us were on his side, and the other half was on hers. The tension was noticeable and different fractions were in different corners whispering and looking around like they were guilty of talking about someone. And they were.

At one point in the afternoon I was watching planes approach ORD with my binoculars. I went to the laundry room on the other side of the building, affording me a better view of the planes. But this was also the same side of the building that the pool was on. There were quite a few people out there and I could make out Drew, surrounded by a group of people, some from our class, others were not. I looked at them through the binoculars when Christine entered the room. ‘Oh, shit,’ I thought. ‘She probably thinks I’m some pervert watching the girls at the pool.’ She didn’t say much to me and I decided to return to my room.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, Christine knocked and asked to speak to me. I let her in.

“Scott,” she started. “I just wanted to tell you that I am very bothered by what you were doing just now in the laundry room.”

“Christine, I know you think I was watching people at the pool. I did see Drew down there and did look to see whom he was talking to. But the reason I was in there with my binoculars was to watch planes come in to land.”

She seemed to not quite believe me. I pointed to a model airplane sitting on my windowsill and picked up a magazine on airplanes.

“You see, I like to see what kind of plane they are. I’m totally obsessed.”

I could see that she now understood. She smiled and said she was relieved. She was thinking I was a perv. I told her that I was glad she came to see me about it instead of going around thinking that. We still laugh about it today.

The next day, my other roommate, Restie, came to me and told me that things were getting bad. He had come in late Sunday night, after I went to bed. He closed the door quietly and was slinking around the room getting ready for bed, trying not to wake us up. Drew got out of bed and said he needed to talk to him so they went to the spacious closet and turned on the light. And just as he had done with me, he asked him to lie for him about what happened in the mock up. And just as I had done, he told Drew that he would not do that. I let Restie know that the same thing happened to me and thanked him for not going along with it.

I never was called upstairs and no one ever asked me about what happened in the mock up that day. The case was dropped, which angered Aura, but she was glad to have it behind her. She never did want it brought up in the first place. She would be going to a different base and hopefully would not have to see him again. She only hoped her husband would never find out. He was the jealous type and would not take it well; he might even make her quite this job.

Things were a little tense in my room after that. Restie and I became closer and he would often tell me that he didn’t understand why Drew disliked me so much.

“You are always so nice to him, nicer than I am to him,” he would tell me with his thick accent, “even though he treats you so badly. And he’s always talking bad about you to me. I can’t stand it.”

But my being nice to him ended on the first night of our last week, week six. This was the night before we were to leave for our international training flight. One third of the class was to go to Paris, one third to London, and the rest of us to Frankfurt. Being of German heritage, this was exciting news to me. I’d never been anywhere that required me to have a passport before, so this trip was huge.

As usual, we would be paired up and would stay in a hotel with a roommate. Mine would be Drew, of course. That was just my luck. My flying partner was a girl from the other half of the class, Sarah. Everyone was very excited about going overseas the next day. All of our flights were very early in the morning. The three of us were getting ready for bed after having packed our suitcases. Drew was in bed when the phone rang. It was a friend of Restie’s from California, two time zones back. They spoke briefly and hung up.

The phone rang again and it was another call for Restie. He told the person at the other end that he was going to leave the room and call him right back. Very nice thing to do since the lights were out and we were trying to get some sleep. A short while later he returned and got in bed. The phone rang a third time. It was Sarah calling me to find out what time I was going to be in the lobby for our taxi to the airport. I gave her the information, hung the phone up and walked back over to my bed.

Drew rolled over and took the phone off the hook. At first I thought I would ignore it, but then I decided I couldn’t handle the phone being off the hook. What if someone calls? What if there is an emergency? What if his daughter was in an accident? He assured me that wouldn’t happen, that they would call on his cell phone.

“You’re not the only one in this room and I don’t think Restie wants the phone off the hook either,” I told him.

Restie didn’t say a thing. I went back to his side of the room, where the phone was, and put the hand piece back on the cradle. He tried to take it off again as I walked back to bed, so I placed the phone on the floor, out of his reach.

His reach was better than I thought and I didn’t hear him take it off again. I settled into bed and after a minute the phone started to beep obnoxiously, telling us it was off the cradle.

“Well that was a smart thing to do,” I said crossly as I got up once more to fix the problem. This time I moved the phone further away from Drew’s reach.

“Now leave the flipping phone alone.” Except I’m pretty sure I used a stronger word than flipping, but it also started with the letter F.

I got back in bed and there was silence. It lasted about three minutes. Drew started moving around. He put his leg on and got dressed and left, slamming the door behind him.

Across the room, the light went on and Restie was sitting up. “Oh, my goodness!” he said. “What was that about?”

“I don’t know. He’s just being an ass.”

“I know he is. I was so afraid for you. I thought he was going to get up and attack you! I thought he would hit you with his leg.” Restie’s amazement at what was happening was prominent in his voice. And his wry humor was timeless. “I don’t know why he has to be so rude. There are other people in here besides him.”

I simply agreed, still not sure what had set him off that way.

After about twenty minutes Drew slipped quietly back into the room and we all managed to fall asleep without hitting one another.

CHAPTER 5 PARADE OF HUMANITY

Much of my job with the airline is watching people, a hobby I enjoy. And every day there are more and more people to watch. It made me wonder on a layover in New York about the masses of people and what will happen to our planet as they continue to procreate. This post is setting the chapter up by going over some ancient history.

I was so fortunate to know Tonya and that she allowed me to stay with her in Livermore while I was getting settled in. At the same time I met her all those years ago, I also met a girl named Sophie. I actually met her at Tonya’s apartment in Dallas. She was sitting in a large chair that had been placed prominently in the room. It was as if Sophie was holding court, which seemed appropriate, since everyone was raving about having her present at that night’s party. Sophie was the glue that held the group of people together. She was the life of the party. When Tonya moved to California, Sophie and I became best friends and the parties at Tonya’s were soon taking place at my apartment, a few blocks away. We were the king and queen of everyone’s social life.

On the show, South Park, the obese cartoon character of Cartman always rebuts the jeer of his school buddies by saying he is not fat, but big boned. But Sophie really was big boned. She towered over me by at least six inches and could probably beat the shit out of a trucker. She was a large woman, for sure, but also very sweet, until her dark and playful side came out. And I seemed to be what brought it out in her most of the time. She was fair-skinned and red-haired and had a chronically blocked nasal passage that reminded me of Lilly Tomlin’s telephone operator character, with her nasally sounding voice.

The two of us would often go out for dinner and drinks, about the extent of our social life besides the parties at my place. One evening, we were sitting in a booth at a restaurant in discussion of the things that affected our life at the time (small talk). Soon a moment of comfortable silence befell us. In that silence between two friends came a new joy in life. It sprung from the table just behind her. It was the not-so-quiet conversation of a family. We listened in and from that point forward, we delighted in sitting in booths next to people just to hear what was going on in their lives.

Sophie always found humor in the lives of so-called, white trash. She hated blue eye shadow and ‘large hair,’ so when we saw women made up like that they instantly became the topic of her scoffs. In jest, she would often place the name, “Bob,” at the end of someone’s name- Scott-Bob, John-Bob, and Sara-Bob or even Sophie-Joe-Bob. We could entertain ourselves for hours.

One summer we took a road trip to Ohio to visit her brother. It became the “cheese-tour,” as we stopped at all the cheesy tourist traps along the way, like Twitty City, Loretta Lynn’s Kitchen and Opryland. We went so far as to stay in the Memory Lane Inn near Graceland. It had a huge mural of Elvis on the outer wall and was so cheesy; we just had to stay there. They also boasted a 24-hour all Elvis channel on the television. Here, we had found the big cheese.

As we toured Graceland mansion, there was a woman in front of us with large hair and blue eye shadow who claimed to know why the tour couldn’t take us upstairs.

“I know why we can’t go up there, it’s not ‘cause his aunt still lives up there, it’s because HE still lives there!” (Said in a thick southern accent where “still” came out like “steel” and “there” had two syllables!) We made of fun of that for years.

But sitting in that booth in the Greenville Ave. restaurant, I could see right away that Sophie was going to have a field day with this family. They had a heavy “hick” accent, and were talking about what to do with the car in the front yard. I almost thought, surely, they were doing because they thought we were listening to them. Unfortunately, it was for real.

After they left, we had a good time imitating their conversation and improvising on it. As I got a little older this habit turned into more of a fascination with watching the human condition. I often sit for long periods of time at the airport watching travelers and families. I enjoy hearing their stories and when I can’t hear them, I make them up based on what I observe. It’s really quite amusing. It’s taking people watching, which everyone loves, and making it more entertaining than it already is.

CHAPTER 6 TURKEY AT 33,000

My first Thanksgiving away from family and in the sky. Don’t be sad for me, it was great. This excerpt excludes a part in the middle that discusses turbulence and a plane’s ability to handle it. You’ll have to hope this gets published to hear about that.

The flight attendant working the right aisle on this B767 in first class was Olga. She had blond hair on top of a round face and the same Swedish accent as the Helga I once worked with. This was in the kitchen of a Texas hotel run by a German chef with the help of a cook from El Salvador. The dishwasher was from Mexico, the waiter from Ireland, and the waitress from Ohio. It was a culturally diverse place. I was in a high school work program and worked there in the afternoons, instead of taking classes. I enjoyed the little reminder of that memory in hearing that accent again.

Olga had a warm smile embraced by simple age lines radiating into her cheeks. She brought out the linens, which were placed on our tray tables followed by a tray with our appetizer and salad. A queen cart was wheeled out and we were offered our choice of salad dressing, bread and offered a glass of water. I had my champagne refilled several times before our entrées were delivered.

I can only remember one Thanksgiving in my life that has been interrupted. It was the Thanksgiving of 1976. I was all of nine years old and my mother, stepfather and I were getting ready to head out to a friend’s house for the big feast. I was dressed and ready to go when the hysterics began. I guess the reason my mother had not prepared a feast herself, or why we were not out of town with family, was that Mom was very pregnant. My brother thought he would be a turkey and come out on this day, thus causing the labor-induced hysterics. I was shuttled at the last minute to my best friend’s house, three houses down. I remember that Robert’s dining room was full of people I’d never seen before. I also remember that they were thrilled to have me over, and that they were genuinely excited for my mother. But I don’t remember their faces and I don’t recall the meal at all. My mind was seized by the thrill of becoming a brother, and I was in a spell wondering what was going on with my mother at the hospital. The birth was uncomplicated and I had a brother born on Thanksgiving Day. As the nurses cleaned him to place in the arms of my mother, he emptied his bladder for the first time…urinating all over himself. I tell my brother that he was a self-basting turkey! He didn’t know any better, only being a few minutes old, and he takes the ribbing well today.

While this particular Thanksgiving at 33,000 feet didn’t have the miracle of the one in 1976, it was also interrupted. This time it was turbulence that did the trick. It got so bumpy in the middle of our appetizer that the pilot asked the flight attendants to take a seat. We sat there bumping along for a good five minutes. It was the longest duration of turbulence I think I had been through to that point, although it was not too severe.

When at last it got smooth once more, Olga delivered my plate of turkey with dressing and mashed potatoes with peas. It was a moist bird and the dressing was thick. The dressing was Yankee style, not the southern cornbread style I am accustomed to, but very tasty non-the-less. The peas were cooked to where they still had texture and their skins were still smooth and glossy; just right. Not having to worry about going to the kitchen for seconds or thirds, I indulged in the ice cream sundaes now gracing the queen cart along with a selection of liqueurs and chocolate chip cookies. As I sat in my aisle seat watching the credits roll from the humorous clay-mation movie, Olga came to collect my tray. Teresa was to my right and opened the window shades. Below us was the miracle I would receive this Thanksgiving. Not a brother, but a view.

We were somewhere over Utah, which was smothered in white snow for as far as we could see. The sky was turning colors as the sun set down, smearing purple into pinks. A layer of clouds could be seen in the distance, but below us the ground was quite visible. There were so many mountains that it seems like it would take a person a lifetime to explore them all. The snow-capped peaks reflected the spectacle of the colors from above. Mountain after mountain, their jagged roughness reaching up towards us, but they could not accomplish their lofty dreams of touching the heavens. This must be why they reflect the sky as they do. It’s the only way they can take part in the lofty spectacle of the skies when viewed from so high. When on the ground, the simple fact that they reach so high is grand enough. This was a view made to be seen only from the heavens.

As the sun continued to lower itself through the distant clouds, the colors moved into blues. Now the trees at the bases of the peaks, and through the valleys, appeared as stubble on the face of an old man. This was because of the way the snow had fallen around the trees, leaving the evergreen branches exposed; snow peppered with trees like stubble on a soft white face. It was magic. Teresa and I sat there gazing out forever in silence but listening to the beauty of the gods which exploded in our minds.

When the sun was gone and all that we could see now were the stars above and the lights of small towns below, I fell into a sleep that must have been better than any nap taken in any living room that day! It was a long and exhausting day and my nap was its reward.