Category: travel

CHAPTER 17 MY BOSTON MARATHON

Sometimes we create our own problems to complain about. It’s not that I like to complain, but I really should learn to relax sometimes, we all should. I finally got a trip to Boston, a trip I had been waiting to get since I was hired. But it wound up not going as smoothly as planned. This excerpt from chapter 17 describes how I turned something that should have been simple into a journey.

You couldn’t tell from looking at me, but I can be a picky eater. Put a plate in front of me with a whole lobster and I’ve just lost my appetite. I learned this the hard way at a meal in San Diego a few years ago. My large bowl of “seafood pasta” came with a halved lobster and all sorts of shells from clams and mussels. I don’t want the animal I am about to eat half sticking out of its shell or lying on my plate with its carcass on display, its eyes looking up at me. Even the act of cracking into the lobster shell is barbaric to me, not to mention, just too much work.

That’s why in the five years I lived in Annapolis, I never sat down to enjoy ‘good old’ Maryland blue crabs. People sit for hours at a table covered in paper eating them. The paper makes it easier to clean up the entrails and shell fragments that fly when the shell is cracked open. This is done using small wooden mallets. Whack, whack, whack. Crack!, as the shell splits open to reveal the meat within. I love the meat, but not the act of getting it. So I spend more money to buy the meat sans the carcass and the mess.

I do love lobster meat dipped in drawn butter. So my mission on this layover was to find some. I also remembered that the video I watched as part of the home study program prior to leaving for training had a scene playing out a typical day of a flight attendant. There were three people in the scene. One was a girl on her first day as a flight attendant, another lady had been flying for a few years, and the man was quite senior. Their trip was to Boston and they were all going to head out to dinner together that night when they arrived. The lady with a few years seniority asked the man if the restaurant they were going to still served fresh lobster. Although it was not my first day, I was the new flight attendant on the trip, looking forward to lobster, much like in the video. And it was here that my trouble was about to start.

On the ride to the hotel we passed the Faneuil Hall Marketplace with its shops and restaurants, crammed with people and situated near the waterfront park and wharf, so I figured I could find lobster there. The hotel was just a few blocks away. After parting with the crew and changing in my room, I went back the way the van had come to find the marketplace. The sky was overcast, which was nice, since it was warm and humid out.

I walked a quick pace to the marketplace and stopped at the first restaurant to look at a menu. Looked good, whole lobster, great price. “Keep moving; don’t want whole lobster.” This went on restaurant after restaurant. I thought there must be a place here somewhere that served lobster tail. I went to high-class places, low class places, even a food court. There would be a hostess near the menu board in several places and I would mention that I was seeking lobster tail and was told by each that they served only whole lobster.

In the meantime, I admired the old buildings and dodged the many people out and about that day. I eventually found myself overlooking the water and turned left, soon finding myself in an area void of eateries. I turned again, heading in the general area of my hotel, passing more places with whole lobster, places with no lobster, and pubs and clubs serving no grub at all. I kept going and soon had run out of restaurants. I decided to head back towards my hotel and try in the other direction.

I got to see a lot of the city on my mission for carcass-free dining. It was very scenic and I found some old cemeteries, where people such as Samuel Adams, John Hancock and Admiral Fleet were laid to rest. The headstones were old, thin, dark gray slabs with skulls and laurel wreaths engraved on them. Many people filled the sidewalks that meandered through the headstones. Most moved around respectfully, as one should in a cemetery. But there were some who were loud and boisterous and quite rude in their behavior. Old buildings with large, new windows surrounded the graves, like I was in a large room with no roof. It was an odd contrast. Inside, people went about their business. Outside, tourists posed for photos aside graves and monuments to the dead and well known. Near Sam Adams’ grave, people posed holding a bottle of the ale bearing his name. I thought, “if he only knew.”

Onward I walked, through a large park where an outdoors-Shakespearean play was about to begin. Part of me wished I could stop to watch, but I was growing hungrier with each step. I crossed the street to another section of the park with a pond full of swan-shaped boats. The grass was green and the trees were large with broad dark trunks wrinkled with thick bark. Under their canopy, people played Frisbee or sat on blankets with their loved ones, some with picnic baskets. (Probably with lobster tail.)

Soon I found myself at Cheers, the restaurant and bar that the popular show was based on. I walked down the stairs and took a look inside. I expected to see an open, four sided bar with a billiard room beyond, tables of people dining, a wooden Indian statue by the door, and maybe some lump of a man at the bar a la Norm. What I did see was nothing like the television set. The wooden Indian was there and there was a bar, but it had a large wall behind it, which ran the length of the room, which was long and narrow, not open and square. The wall was lined with bottles of beer and hard liquor. Glasses rested on shelves and hung from above. The barstools were full of people; it was cramped and crowded inside. I was not the only one disappointed at the place not looking like the television set. I heard from locals that they were planning on revising the whole place to more resemble the television set to please the tourists. At any rate, Cheers did not have lobster on the menu, so I didn’t stay.

It was now getting late. I had walked several miles on one side of the hotel, and now was about a mile on the other side of the hotel. My plan was to keep looking for a place on the way back, and if I didn’t find one, I would settle for what ever they served in the hotel restaurant.

So I am sitting at the table in the restaurant of the Parker House Hotel. The hotel originally opened in 1856, making it the nation’s oldest continuously operating hotel, according to the brochure in my room. Of course they boast to have slept presidents, kings, famous actors and politicians in the building (and now me!). But I thought one of their guests was particularly interesting. On his American lectures, Charles Dickens would spend long periods here, of up to five months at a time.

The Parker House is also known as the birthplace of two popular foods. My hostess was quite proud of them and she told me all about it. The first was brought to my table in a linen-lined basket- the Parker House Roll. I could have made a meal out of these warm, doughy treats. The butter they served with them was tasteless and brought back longings of the sinfully delicious butter I had on my Paris layover. But the warm bread melted the butter and made it tolerable. The second famous recipe from the hotel kitchen is the Boston Crème pie. As she finished up, the manager came by to say hello and asked if I had any questions about the menu.

I ordered the lobster after a discussion with the manager, where I learned they could remove the meat for me. Apparently, any restaurant would, if asked. I tried to reassure myself how healthy my lobster marathon was. I tried to tell myself, had I stopped at the first place that had lobster, I would have had the meat removed from the shell, I would have enjoyed my meal, gone back to the hotel, and not seen as much of the city as a result. It was good that I walked for miles in search of lobster. All though my feet were telling me that they never wanted lobster again.

The meal was good and I did order the Boston Crème pie. After all, I’ve had the dessert before and loved it. It would be an insult to be at the birthplace of the Boston Crème pie and not try the original recipe.

“People either love it or they hate it,” I was told. Well, I didn’t love it. The cake was heavy, not light and fluffy, it was much like a pound cake. The crème was almost bland and also very thick, more like icing, but not as rich. Finally, the chocolate was fancy, not really chocolate-y. I was used to fluffy cake, pudding-like cream and a rich, creamy frosting. To me, it was like the difference in cheesecakes. There are the New York styles, and there are the instant-from-a- box styles. This restaurant served the equivalent of the New York style and I was used to the box style Boston Crème Pie. But let’s not get into my love for cheesecake here.

It was late. I had walked a marathon. The lobster was puny and they fortified the over sized plate with extra salad to make up for the carcass not being there. The dessert was unsatisfying. The service was slow; I didn’t even see my server until after I had been there for nearly forty-five minutes. I left for my room wishing I had ordered the baked scrod and had the crème broulet, instead. I shouldn’t be so picky. I brought it all on myself for walking all over town to find a place to eat, then winding up doing so right where I had started from. This was just another one of the little things not going right far from home. But as the saying from my high school days goes, it’s nothing but a thing. I am glad to have such problems in my life. Everyone should have such problems in their life, eh? If this is what I have to complain about, I’m a pretty lucky guy.

CHAPTER 20 WHAT’S IN A NAME

I started life with a dislike for New York City. Being from Texas, I wanted my hometown to be the biggest in the world. So it was mostly jealousy. It would take years to discover the magic of the big city and now Manhattan is one of my favorite destinations. This chapter covers a wonderful layover I had there and ends with a facsinating story from a passenger on my flight home. You won’t be reading about that here, but you can read about a fun evening in the Big Apple.

It brought back that New Orleans layover where Margarita and Seetah had me on stage in front of all these people singing Summer Lovin’ with them. I only did it because the alcohol made me do it. It had nothing to do with how much I adored the girls! After our performance, the club showed our video on the house monitors. They had not shown any other act’s videos all night, so either we were that good or that bad. What a layover that was!

Of course Jenny asked me to go with her, and really, the only thing holding me back was the thought of all that cigarette smoke, which would surely fill the room like a fat lady in tight clothes, suffocating me. That, and knowing that I would not be drinking because we are not to drink within twelve hours of working a flight. I just could not envision myself getting up in front of people to sing sober. And you know someone was going to encourage me to sing! The bar was in The Village, a part of Manhattan I had not been in before. So I told Jenny I would go with her on the subway, say hi to her friends, then venture out and explore that part of town on my own.

It took us a few minutes of consulting the subway map, and comparing it to the tourist map I had stuffed in my back pocket from the hotel, to make sure we were catching the right train. We went to the proper platform but soon found out we were, indeed, on the wrong train. We got off at the next stop and decided to take a cab the rest of the way, which saved about a twenty-minute walk.

We ran into her friend, Jason, on the street as we emerged from the cab in front of the bar. He admitted that he was full from dinner and getting drunk very quick. The group had just left a restaurant and bar where they had been hanging out for some time. He and his pals were celebrating the graduation of one of their friends from college. He seemed very nice and for not knowing who the hell I was, treated me as if he did.

We walked into Sing Sing and passed a bar lined up with stools, most of which were occupied. Everyone was watching the music videos on the TV above the bar. The odd thing was the silence from the people. None of them were talking. Each of them sat there like zombies, one hand on their drink, mesmerized, as they watched the video flickering on the screen at the end of the bar. At the bottom I noticed the words to the lyrics changing colors as it was time to sing them.

We went down a flight of stairs towards the back of the establishment. I was pleased to discover that instead of a large room full of people around a stage, I found a hallway lined with individual rooms, which were rented out individually. This meant I no longer had to face stage fright from singing in front of a room full of strangers.

In each room were seats, a large table, a big screen TV, and a kareoke machine. In room thirteen was our party, consisting of twelve people, fifteen after we entered. The room was indeed full of smoke. I could see four glowing cancer sticks moving around to the beat coming out of the speakers. The room was dimly lit, had dark walls, and the large table in the center was full of beer bottles and glasses. There were so many of them, I could hardly see the tabletop. They had to have been there for a while.

Everyone turned to see who had come into the room and soon their attention returned to the big screen with the words to the song flashing across the bottom. Several were looking through the books listing the song selections trying to choose one. There were two microphones being used by two of the young women who were singing a song I was not familiar with.

This was a very eclectic group and as I surveyed them, they certainly took me back to my college days in Houston. There were women and men, black and white. One guy who didn’t look black wore dread locks. One guy wore a knit ski cap and I could see later, when he removed it, that he had shaved his head and looked a lot like the singer, Moby. One of the black girls wore a sleeveless tie died cotton dress and large beaded bracelets around her wrists. There was a thin girl with brunet hair and a great body that knew how to move while she sang. She seemed to be the one coordinating the whole event. She encouraged people to sing, grabbed the microphone to hand it across the room to the next singer after each song ended. She was the one who ordered drinks when the waitress came around, and made me feel at home by asking me to pick a song and if I wanted a drink. I refused the drink but took the songbook to start looking at the selections.

I started to look for songs I was familiar with and was impressed with the wide selection of music. My attention darted from the book to the group as I tried to survey it all. This bohemian group was now taking me back to my high school days. They were selecting songs by Guns and Roses, Journey, Tears for Fears and songs like “I Touch Myself,” “Africa,” “Electric Avenue,” “Raspberry Beret,” and others I had not heard since 1986. I suddenly felt very old. And I was comparatively. Here I was, surrounded by people in the range of 19-23, ten or more years junior to me. And they were all in love with the music from the eighties.

The songs came one after the other with only a few seconds in between each. That was just enough time for complements to the singers, handing the microphone off, and taking a drink of alcohol. The waitress came in often with a new tray of drinks and the table seemed to fill to capacity. At one point the microphone cord grabbed a wineglass and threw it to the ground, breaking the stem in half. The music was loud and the room was warm and smoky. But the people were alive and having such a great time that I found it difficult to leave.

After being there for about two hours, Jenny leaned over and asked if I was about ready to go. It was almost 0100. I could not believe I had been there so long, but I was never able to pull myself away as I had originally planned. But I was indeed ready. We agreed that we would leave after the next song. Sure enough, the next song was my selection, made about an hour earlier. I stood up and took the microphone and began to sing “They Stood Up for Love,” by Live, one of my favorite bands from York, Pennsylvania.

There was only one other guy in the room who was familiar with the song, even though it was just over a year old and a fairly popular college band. He took the other microphone and sang with me, which was good since he could help me reach the notes I had a hard time with. I could see the others looking at me almost with the same curiosity I had been watching them with. I wasn’t sure if it was my age, that I was singing something so unknown to them, or, as my ego would prefer to think, that I was singing so well.

My moment of fame ended and we said our good-byes and headed back up to the city, where we caught a cab back to the hotel. Her friend walked us upstairs and he hugged us both goodbye, neat, I thought, since we had only just met. They promised to keep in touch and to see one another soon, then we got in the cab and were off.

I looked over to Jenny, who had a smile on her face. “I had a really good time tonight. Thank you for dragging me down here,” I told her. And to think, I had almost not gone at all.

“I’m surprised you stayed.” She said.

“I was too, actually, but I really enjoyed it. I couldn’t get over hearing all those songs from the eighties. It was a real flashback for me.”

“I only knew two people in the room,” she confided; “but Jason and Trish are good friends of my sister, but we keep in touch also.”

I realized Trish was the girl who could dance, who seemed to be the organizer of the group.

There was a moment of silence between us as we sped up the streets from down town. It had begun to sprinkle and the streets were wet again. We passed restaurants and pubs full of people. There were closed shops with their windows illuminated from within. Above them, and everywhere, were residences.

I began to think about this city and all of its inhabitants. So many people. You could live a lifetime here and not see it all. You could dine out every day and not taste it all. The Big Apple they call it. I grew up in a town they called Space City. There was Big D, the Big Easy, the Windy City, the City of Brotherly Love, City of Angels, Mile High City (and how can you forget Bigger Better Borger!), all of which I had visited. But none had the mystique or the feeling of being someplace so completely different as the Big Apple. I loved being there, feeling so small and anonymous.

CHAPTER 22 BONES SINKING LIKE STONES

After 9-11, everyone I knew was talking about where they were that terrible day. This is where I talk about my day. It was a very emotional chapter to write and I have spent a good deal of time on it. I have also procrastinated a lot in finishing it. This chapter suddenly changes tone from the rest of the book and I hope it’s not too difficult of a transition for the book. I imagine the book is in three sections and this, as well as the last chapter, comprise that third section of the book.

Mary is a good friend of mine in Annapolis who I had not seen in some time, but we still kept in touch. She was more a friend of my father’s fourth wife, who had divorced him while we were in Maryland, but we still kept in touch. She invited me over for dinner the night before I was going to return home. What was supposed to be just dinner turned into a long evening of conversation and I eventually left her home six hours after my arrival. The food was good, the conversation compelling and soon she grabbed her astrological charts to give me a reading. It’s sort of a side job of hers.

She started out by giving me a reading of my friend Vincent, from New Jersey. She wanted to show her accuracy by reading someone she has no knowledge of. All she needed was the date, time and location of his birth. I guessed at the time, but knew the date and only that he was born in New Jersey. The things she told me about his personality were right on the money. She could also tell me that he had lost two people close to him, which he had- his grandparents. She was telling me things about him that she would have no way of knowing and were not very general in nature. There are times I will read horoscopes of other signs and they are general enough that they could also apply to me. But this was not the case here. So I trusted the things she told me about my chart, even though they were quite puzzling.

That night, September 10, she told me that I would be moving within a year. She told me that my job was going to change and said that an opportunity would present itself and that I should grab it. I would know what it was when the time came. I thought she was crazy. I wasn’t going to move. I certainly wasn’t going to change jobs! I asked if she could possibly mean that some aspect of my job would change, like I start flying international instead of domestic.

She took another look in her book, took a breath in, and then looked back at me over her glasses and said simply, “Your job will change.”

The information weighed heavily on me that night as I fell asleep. The next morning it was still heavy on my mind. I had to leave early, so I had said goodbye to Tammy and Andy the night before. I woke up, got dressed, and left for the airport. With so much on my mind, I didn’t even turn on the radio in my rental car. My flight out was just past noon that September 11. I wanted to get to the airport earlier than I normally would to return the car.

There was one thing I wanted to do before leaving town, though. That was to stop by my old place of employment, the Harley dealership. One of my closest friends there, Kathie, had a gift for me. That’s why I left Tammy’s so early, so I could stop by and see how things were going since my absence.

Kathie was the bookkeeper of the dealership and had become a sort of mother to me, mine being so far away. She would bring me Easter baskets full of candy and valentines cards. We ate lunch together almost every day, and had a similar warped sense of humor. We called her Witchy-poo and joked with her by placing a sign on her office door, which read, “Broom Closet.” She loved it. We also called her Maxine, a reference to the greeting cards with the cranky old woman, who Kathie admitted herself, was much like her. She seemed to enjoy having the reputation of being a bit crotchety and even listened to rock music, which is not something most people in their sixties listen to.

I pulled up to the front of the store and parked next to the few other cars that were there. It was about 1015, so they had only been open for fifteen minutes. I walked back towards the offices and in the first one I came to I saw Robert. Robert had worked for us part time a few months before I left and was still employed there. He was in his wheelchair and seemed really happy to see me. I stepped inside the office to say a quick hello to him.

“Well, I bet you hate your job today, don’t you?” He asked.

“Why?” I asked, almost bewildered that he would think that.

“You haven’t heard? Somebody’s hijacking airplanes and crashing them into buildings. They’ve closed all the airports in the whole country.”

“You’re kidding! No I didn’t even turn on the radio in my car this morning.” I thought, surely, he must be over reacting. Nothing would shut down all the airports in the country!

He grabbed a small radio next to him and turned the knob increasing the volume. The announcer was saying something about a bomb threat at the CIA in Washington. The building was being evacuated.

“And they closed all the airports?” I asked.

“Yeah, every single one, they’re making all planes land at the nearest airport.”

I thanked him for the information and excused myself to find Kathie. I didn’t quite know what to think. Surely it’s some joke, or being blown way out of proportion. But obviously, something was going on. I looked out at the others in the store. Things seemed calm. An employee I didn’t know was folding tee shirts. Another was looking for motorcycle accessories on the wall with a list in one hand. A customer was looking at helmets. One of the mechanics walked in and was buying a soda out of the machine at the front of the store- all very normal.

I found Kathie behind the door with the broom closet sign still taped to it. She got up from her desk and we hugged.

“Have you heard the news?” she asked.

“Yeah, Robert was just telling me about some planes being hijacked?”

She didn’t know anything else and we spoke for a few minutes about the store and some of the people who still worked there from when I was the GM. She handed me a shirt with penguins on it, knowing how much I love penguins. “Something I saw and thought of you, I thought you would like it.”

“I do,” I told her. Then after some more small talk, I told her, “Well, it sounds like I’m not going home on my flight at noon today. I guess I had better get back to Tammy’s and see what’s going on.”

She thought that was a good idea and we hugged again.

I got back in my rental car and turned on the radio. I drove back to Tammy’s in a fog. Looking back on that day, I have no recollection of what the news was saying on the radio. I only knew it was not good. Reports were not clear, not yet confirmed. The anchorman’s voice was tense and sounded like he had been upset about something. Some planes were missing. Some buildings were hit. Others were being evacuated. Airports were closed. Military jets were in the air. Buildings in DC were being evacuated for fear of bombs going off. Law enforcement agencies were seeking information, but no arrests had been made. It sounded like war. It scared me like I have never been scared in my life.

When I got to Tammy’s house, they were still in bed asleep. It was some time just after 1030 on September 11, 2001. I turned on the television in the living room and stepped back to see what the reports were.

Time stood still.

The image on the screen was of New York from across the harbor. It appeared to be New York and that is what the text on the screen said it was. But there was a crater in the middle of downtown Manhattan. There was thick black smoke bellowing up to the sky. It took me a few seconds, but I soon realized what I was looking at. It came to me what that image was. It was downtown Manhattan and the World Trade Center towers were gone. All that was left were the columns of smoke lifting up to the heavens, floating out towards the sea.

My mouth dropped and my hand raised to cover it. My head slunk forward and my eyes rounded. I felt the hairs on my body stand and blood seemed to drain out of me. With the realization of what was going on starting to become clear to me, I rushed into Tammy’s bedroom and began to shake her awake.

“Tammy, get up, you need to see this.” Andy stirred next to her, “Get up Andy,” I said. Tammy was barely coming to.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“They’re hijacking planes and flying them into buildings. The World Trade Center is gone.” Only, I didn’t quite finish the sentence before I broke down into tears.

Andy jumped right out of bed knowing something was wrong enough to make me cry and went directly into the living room. I followed. Tammy rolled out of bed and joined us a few seconds later. The three of us stood there silently watching the images. Then the replay of the second plane hitting the towers was shown, followed by the first tower falling, then the second. Andy was crying. Tammy was numb. There were no feelings to describe what we felt, what America was feeling that morning. Our precious planes and lives of Americans were used to bring down two powerful symbols of what made America so special. It sickened me.

I thought immediately of my parents and went to the phone. I was able to leave a message with my father right away, but it took a while for me to get a line reach my mother. She works at a school in Breckenridge. When I finally got a line out, she answered the phone, “Hello, this is Linda.” She sounded good, but an underlying stress was audible to my ears.

Upon hearing my voice she broke into tears, making me do the same. I told her I was all right, told her where I was. She was so scared, knowing I was on the East Coast, but not knowing where, and that I was to fly home that day, but not when.

Rumors were spreading quickly, especially being so close to Washington. One was that people were getting money out of their bank and hoarding food. Tammy thought this was a good idea, her cupboards were fairly empty. We went out in my rental car so she could cash her check from work and get something to eat. Things seemed relatively normal, but there was a certain look of fear on the faces of the other drivers.

After the bank I drove across the street to the store. We only grabbed a few items. The radio was playing but the people inside were talking about other things. One guy in line was buying a lotto ticket. I thought that was very odd and was glad to leave. There was just a weird vibe in the store. As I backed the car up and started forward an announcement came across the radio.

“It has just been confirmed that the plane that went down in the Pennsylvania field was flight 93 bound for California. There are no survivors…”

It was the first time that day I had heard what airline was affected. The reports had not said what airlines went into the three buildings. For some reason, having the name associated with the crash made things hit home for me. That was my family, in a sense, that was lost on that flight. In a flash I thought about the flight attendants and the pilots on board. Did I know anyone working it? I lost control of my emotions and brought the car to a stop in the parking lot. My eyes quickly filled with water making prisms of light and blurring my sight. Tammy put her arm around me and I cried.

We spent the whole day in front of the television. At times one or more of us would go outside for some air. Tammy’s house is on a hill overlooking Spa Creek. It’s a wide, smooth body of water that empties into the Severn River, which empties into the Chesapeake Bay. It is full of sailboats anchored to the shore or sitting in the middle of the water and surrounded by nice homes. There was not a cloud in the sky. It was one of the most beautiful days I can remember. There was a slight breeze every now and then, but for the most part it was very calm. A few ducks flew overhead and I looked at them flapping so hard to stay aloft. The planes that usually flew overhead were gone. The con trails from aircraft flying up and down the Atlantic seaboard were gone.

I thought about standing in the mountains of Colorado last New Year’s and thinking how 2001 was going to be so wonderful. Then of what Mary had told me the night before in reading my chart. I guess she was right, after all, and sooner than we had expected. There was going to be change in my job. A big change.

I looked back to the water and listened. It was quiet. It was still. The wind had died and the ducks were gone. I looked to the ground where I was standing, at the blades of bright green grass. I felt so empty inside. I had never known pain like this. I was numb. I felt so small and insignificant; the universe was big that day, dense, and dark. Tammy came outside and put her arm around me. Neither of us could comprehend what had happened that morning. The pieces were still being put together by the authorities, so we kept glued to the television, hoping that some sense of what had happened would come to fruition. It never would.

That night we each drifted apart to go to sleep without really saying anything to one another. The television was our only companion. I fell asleep with it on and would wake up several times throughout the night and turn my head towards it to see what was happening, like a never-ending dream. And each time I did so I thought it was all a dream, nothing that bad can really happen, and not to us, in America! It just had to be a dream.

The following day was more of the same. The three of us stayed home watching every minute we could, but taking a break from the pain to go outside and see the beauty there. I was envious of the ducks and seagulls, not being grounded, not having to know the fear and pain going on in the world. And I was envious of their flight, since I was now trapped in Annapolis, far from home, and felt a complete loss of control in my life.

I became more enraged at how anyone could hijack four planes. In training we were always told to do whatever a hijacker asks us to do. They only want to get somewhere. Take them there, and then we would get on with our life. But that game was changed on September 11. I was incensed that anyone would use our beautiful airplanes as a weapon to kill so many innocent people. Every time I watched the images of the planes disappearing into the buildings in New York I would start to cry. When I saw the faces of those holding signs and photos of loved ones missing and lost, I would cry. At seeing the outpouring of compassion and sadness in cities around the world, many of which I had visited, I cried.

On the third day, Thursday, I went with Tammy to her office to use the computer to get on line. Her office was still shut down, and would remain so for the rest of that week. I logged on and found eighty-four messages from people concerned about me. All I could do was leave a quick standardized response with the promise of more information when I got home.

The gravity of the situation, still incomprehendable to me, did not start to settle in until this point, when I realized that my industry was going to be devastated by the murderous cowards who struck so hard. Along with the many personal messages were those from the union. Most covered dealing with tragedy and gave many references for reaching out for help. Others spoke to the hard times about to hit the airline industry – the cancelled flights, the lost income, the security threats the possible layoffs. I was not in a good mood when we left for Tammy’s house. I became very angry and vented out loud to anyone who could hear me shouting on the banks of Spa Creek, behind Tammy’s house. I cursed the demented cowards, the closed minded twits, the seemingly godless murderers and brainless sheep following a hollow twisted-man. For they didn’t just strike at our government in DC, or the symbol of American financial might in New York, or at the airline industry, an unfortunate victim in their scheme. They struck at ME that day. They struck at me a billion times over; the billions of people who now live in the new reign of fear and terror. And I filled with anger. Yelling on the shore of Spa Creek helped.

There was much on the television about the already hurting economy and speculation of what the attacks would do to further the problems. Newscasters urged people to go out and support the economy, not to stay home and hold on to that money. That night Tammy and I decided to do just that. We went out to ‘support our local economy,’ meaning we hit several bars and had dinner out. After being in front of the television for so many hours, it was good to get out and try to be normal. That is if getting drunk and talking about bombing third world countries with strangers is normal.

We were hanging out at the bar of the restaurant Andy managed. One of my favorite songs came on the radio. I couldn’t get the song out of my head the following day, so I went out and bought their album, giving it to Tammy, since I already owned it. And I was really glad to hear that she liked the album.

The band is called Coldplay and they are from England. While I had heard the album many times, I was struck by the lyrics in the first song from the album, “Parachutes”. It was like I was hearing them for the first time. The music is almost ethereal and floats around the words and the singer’s voice. The song is called Don’t Panic and the lyrics are as follows:

“Bones, sinking like stones, all that we fought for.

Homes, places we’ve grown, all of us are done for.

And we live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do.

We live in a beautiful world.

Oh, all that I know, there’s nothing here to run from.

‘Cos yeah, everybody here’s got somebody to lean on.”

The words seemed to match my feelings. Watching the towers fall on the television, they seemed like bones falling. And we all certainly felt a fear that we were all done for, or at least that life would never be the same again. Yet everything in the world is beautiful and when you have friends to lean on in hard times, there is no need to run away. I thought the song was brilliant.

CHAPTER 23 AFTER THE TERROR

Life after the terrorist attacks was hard on me. My way of life was completely changed and I now looked at the possiblity of loosing the job I loved so much. But at the same time, I was given an opportunity to see more of the world so I took that opportunity. The final chapter discusses how my life changed, how depressed I had become, but ends with a postive twist about the future might hold for me. It was a tough chapter to write and this is only a small look at it.

When I got back to San Francisco I was entering a block of days off. I had missed an entire block of days on while stranded in Annapolis. I now had three days off. Time to reflect, time to be with my pets, to discuss the previous week with friends, and time to start worrying about my future. But I was not finished grieving. In fact, it felt good to grieve and each time something made me cry, I felt better afterwards. It became almost like I had to grieve because of the weight of the tragedy. It was my duty, my contribution.

There was a private service held at the airport. It was open to airline employees only. I put on my cleanest uniform, pinned on new black ribbons with the downed flight numbers printed in gold ink, and went to be with my professional family. It was very solemn. Guards monitored the entrance checking IDs of those who passed. There were many flight attendants, several supervisors, a hand full of pilots, some ground staff and customer service reps.

The service was held in the old international terminal. It had been vacant since the international operations moved to the new terminal a few months prior. There was a small stage set up in the corner. On the stage, behind the lectern, were flowers and candles. A US flag stood proud, and banners from each of the airlines who lost planes hung from the ceiling. Just below these were large model airplanes from each carrier. The windows looked out onto the tarmac. Just before the service started, a plane taxied by the windows heading to the runway for take off. The first officer’s cockpit window was open and the American flag was sticking out of it, rustling in the breeze. It caught everyone’s attention and brought applause from everyone in the room. Not a rousing applause, but a dignified applause, like one would hear in a church or on a golf course.

I looked around the room and noticed the people looking out the window clapping. Most were teary-eyed. As the plane rounded the corner and out of sight, they turned and resumed their conversation. I found some classmates of mine and found hugs when I went over to them. We started talking about where we were when the attacks happened, what we were going to do after loosing our job, and how fortunate we had been in not knowing anyone lost. Several said that they didn’t think they would return to flying. I was bound and determined that I would eventually return, no matter how long it took.

The service was respectful and, solemn but long. Clergy from many faiths spoke. Pilots read poems. The names of the employees who died were read. We had lost twenty-five flight attendants, eight pilots and a few other employees who had been passengers that day. We recited the pledge of allegiance and sung a few patriotic songs. Everyone was able to cry and embrace their flying partners and friends. It was truly a close-knit family grieving opportunity. I had spoken to people who said they just could not go to it. They were already too emotional. But I found a need to be surrounded by others who were going through the same pain that I was. I needed to see that I was not alone in my anger, in my sorrow, and in the uncertainty that I was feeling for what would happen next with my job.

The Union was busy getting out information to us. They listed resources for preparing for being furloughed. The contract deals specifically for this possibility. If furloughed, I have the right to my old job once it becomes available. Employees are let go by reverse seniority order: the newest to be hired go first. When the recalls come, we are brought back by seniority order: the newest comes back last. We were guaranteed our old jobs for a period of eight years. If the furloughs lasted longer than that, I would have to re-apply for my job when it became available. There had been other furloughs in recent memory, and no one I ever spoke to felt that the furlough would last very long. But was unsure. Aviation had never seen a setback like this one.

Our union held several meetings in the following weeks to answer everyone’s questions. Before the numbers of the furlough were announced, there was much speculation over how many would be affected. The company was offering voluntary furloughs, an effort to help save the jobs for those who really needed them. If one took the voluntary furlough, there were certain benefits to doing so, seniority would continue, whereas it would freeze for the involuntary. One could still have medical benefits as opposed to having them for only ninety days. One could still have pass travel benefits as well.

When the numbers were finally announced, it would affect 5,374 flight attendants, just over one thousand would be from SFO. It would affect people hired any time after February of 1997. Although I knew I would not be able to escape the furlough with a seniority of August 2000, the news sank in heavily. My family was very concerned when I made the calls to inform them. Many asked what I was going to do next. Many had the opinion that this was terminal, that I would need to find a new career. I always answered with, “It’s just a matter of time before I get called back. I’ll just find a little temporary job until then.” I even started to wonder if I was not taking the furlough as seriously as I should have, with the severity that my family was taking it.

I didn’t want to see the finality in it that others saw. In fact I wanted to make the best of this that I could. The company was going to allow us ninety days of pass travel benefits. That meant free travel through the end of January. I still had a lot of money saved from my Harley days. I decided to put off finding another job and started making plans to see the world. Why waste an opportunity to do so for free? Should I never get this job back, I would regret it. The plan was to travel for a month, and then I would look for work. But I still had a few weeks to work before being let go.